Posted on 12/08/2015 11:51:57 AM PST by PJ-Comix
Yesterday (yes, December 7) marked my 10th year anniversary of marriage. Earlier today I was talking with a friend who underwent a bitter divorce a few years ago. While my wife and I have had MANY arguments (usually at least once per day), we have never gotten close to even thinking about divorcing. After 10 years I think I can qualify on how to have a happy marriage. Here are a few key points, some of which might seem counter-intuitive:
1. Don't have too much in common. Yes, that is correct. What happens when a husband and wife have too much in common is that gives too much possibility for conflict. Just ask Bill and Hillary who have an intense interest in politics how their marriage has worked out. Better yet, ask Bill's "Energizer Bunny" how it has worked out. I have MANY hours of the day on my own doing stuff my wife has no interest in. Likewise she does things that don't interest me. The result is much less chance of conflict. Also some of her interests are helpful for both of us. For example my wife loves poring over financial details which bore the hell out of me. Therefore she handles most of our finances except for tax returns which I do on TurboTax.
2. Argue often. My friend who had a bitter divorce said it came about because he and is wife rarely talked and over the years built up a cold simmering resentment of each other. Contrast that to my wife and I who frequently argue. The saving grace is we both have a sense of humor and such arguments usually end with us making funny faces or saying funny stuff. Sometimes when my wife if lecturing (hectoring) me I put my hands over my years while yelling about not hearing her in an exaggerated fashion.
3. Have a funny line to use when your wife (or husband) attempts to spy on you while using your computer. My line is "DON'T HOVER!" or "STOP HOVERING!" It's not that I have anything to hide but just having someone watch over my shoulder gets on my nerves.
4. Get GroupOns. I'm not plugging it but it is fun to find restaurant deals on the cheap and go out together every couple of weeks or so. The deals are often so good that you can't not pick them up.
5. Above all, keep a sense of humor about everything. Deadly seriousness can be fatal to a marriage.
An argument a day? That is not humanly possible!
8<)
My wife and I are going on 4 years. Yours is an inspiration.
I do find, however, that despite my wife and I have some things in common, the stuff we don’t have in common is so diametrically opposed that we’re okay with what we do have in common.
I think a certain amount of space is required even in marriage.
Congrats!
PJ, I think very higly of you, but I, in my own successful marriage, am the opposite on almost each, save for the coupons for going out. :-)
22 years and I still haven’t let her have the combo to the gun safe.
Newbie
Oh my god, 10 years? Hasn’t anyone told you that you can get out of it?
why not?
but don’t get too confident. we’ve got 19 years in and there’s still room for improvement, uh, that is, improvement on my part :).
Love your wife like Christ loves the church work for me. I would do anything short of vote democrat (she is not one) for my wife.
Me neither...
“Should I hang up a shingle as a marriage counselor? “
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No.
I was married 28 years before my divorce. Ten years is nothing.
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Every couple is different. What works for some won’t work for others. I wouldn’t stick in a marriage where we argued every day. Hell I wouldn’t stick in one where we argued every month. Too much bickering in my family history, I left the house to get away from that crap. And my wife and I have been together for 25 years.
I think the only universally applicable marriage advice is: no who you are. If you don’t know how you are, you can’t possibly figure out if you can get along with that other person over the long haul. Everything else is dependent on who you are. It’s also good to have similar goals on big things like holiday celebrations and kids. If a Christmas loather who wants no children marries a Christmas nutter who wants a brood they are doomed.
My wife also has no interest in the TV shows I enjoy watching like Fargo, Better Call Saul, or, in the past, Breaking Bad.
You have proven your sense of humor elsewhere! Yes, it is a very valuable asset!
65 year next month.
Today my barber told me that after 16 years his wife is bored and wants a divorce.
WTF?
Don't shoulder your spouse with unreasonable expectations.
And say "thank you" a lot.
24 years here, and having values in common - especially political- is crucial to me.
I’d rather be alone than with a liberal.
Mrs. RQSR, and I will celebrate our 38th in April. I just asked her if she had ever considered divorce, and she said at least three, or four times a day since 1978.
I told her “I must be doing something right”, and ran hard, and fast.
PS congratulations on an entire decade!
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