Yeah, like we’re going to do THAT on the internet.
In college, going to church on a Sunday morning after having worked all night long. Fell asleep in the service serving communion, and snored through it. Only later did I realize why people were giving me dirty looks as I woke up when the service was ending.
Not setting the clocks forward for day light savings and showing up with my entire family for church just as the service was ending.
I probably should have been embarrassed but wasn’t maybe I am an exhibitionist.
Anyway I was in college and we were taking a camp counseling course. For just a couple of days we swam at a spot away from campus. They were building a new gym and the place we were using as a dressing room only had one large room.
It had two doors and if the guys were using it, they locked the girls door etc. Since there was only three girls in the class the boys were using it. I was the only guy totally naked when the campus queen (she was officially the queen having won the title in a beauty contest) walks in, stares at me then says “Oh” and walks away.
We actually never even spoke to each other again but the next day, my best friend and I were hitch hiking our way home when she stops in her convertible and offers us a ride. Unfortunately she was going to Ft. Walton and we were going to DeFuniak Springs so we had to decline.
I always wondered if her stopping had been a coincidence.
When I went to take my ASFAB (military aptitude test) before joining the Army, I walked into the testing room and looked around. There was one person sitting at every table, although some tables were big enough to sit 8 and others were big enough for 2.
Sitting at one of the tables for 2 was this gorgeous blonde gal. Confidently, I strode up with every guy in the room watching me and asked if she’d mind if I sat with her, to which she agreed. I took off my long trench coat and sat down. I could feel the eyes of the other guys boring in to me. I had just sat with the girl they were all watching out of the corner of their eye!
We started chatting and I notice she already had a pencil. I asked her if they had handed them out before I arrived and she indicated that she had picked one up at the head table. I excused myself and went up to the head table to get one myself, with every head following me. When I got back, she had this whimsical grin on her face. I kept asking, “What? What?” but she wouldn’t reveal what was so funny. I used it as an opportunity to flirt, which made her grin at me more. I thought I was in like Flynn.
During the exam, I finished every section early and leaned back in the manner of strutting like a smart peacock. She would give me that wry smile and I would smile back. After the exam was over, I turned in my materials, grabbed my trench coat and raced into lobby to find her, but she had left the building lickety split.
Disappointed, I went to my recruiter’s car. While waiting to leave, another guy got in the car and immediately recognized me.
“Hey! You’re that guy that was sitting with that really hot girl!”
Puff up. “Yeah.”
“Did you know you had a sign on your ass the whole time?”
Whaaaaaa? I reached back through my trench coat and ripped a sign off my butt that had been placed there by my coworkers earlier in the day. It read...
“I’m a nut!”
(Doh.)
Let’s just say after weening each of my kids, they decided the perfect time to “attack” was during Mass. My husband was always amused . . .
I’ll go.
I was helping to prepare a shrimp boil for my family and had gone shopping for the seafood. I decided to get some crabs as well as extra shrimp and had gotten them at one store and headed to another store to pick up some other things. I stopped at this market’s seafood dept and was just looking to see if there was something else that looked good. The seafood monger asked if there was anything I wanted and I said, “no, I have crabs.” We both stared at each other and then he and I burst out laughing and neither one of us could speak for several minutes. Our faces were both bright red, we were both unable to catch our breath, tears were running down our cheeks and I could hear him laughing still as I was finally able to make my way out of the store.
Im sorry but this isnt facebook and i am not trying to trend anything.
I had wandered over to the book section in a store, with my husband right next to me. I picked up a book and looked at the back cover, then put my arm around him and said, “You know, dear, what I really like about this author...”
While talking, I turned my head to look at my husband—only to find that I had put my arm around a complete stranger.
I walked up to an ATM and saw my friend, Doug, gettting cash out. I walked right up behind him and stuck a magic marker in his back and told him to give me all his money.
It was pretty damned funny until the felow turned around and started running............... it wasn’t Doug.
I read this story somewhere.....it didn’t happen to me.
A woman came home from shopping and saw her husband’s car parked on the driveway. He was on his back, repairing his vehicle, with his legs sticking out from beneath the car.
The man’s wife playfully went over to him, and unzipped the fly of his pants, then re-zipped it, then un-zipped it again, then re-zipped his fly, etc. She did this about five times, then backed away.
The man shot out from under the car, and, to the wife’s horror, she realized that it wasn’t her husband underneath the car; it was a mechanic hired by her husband!
1983. 38 years old. Giving a basic data processing overview to 40 ladies from Customer Service. Three hours.
When I go back to my desk I was handed a note from one of the participants: “Your pants are split.”
Sure enough, from my belt to my crotch, butt hanging out. At least my underwear was clean.
As a teen I was learning to sew. The stitching was so close together it caused the seam to become like a perforation rather than holding the fabric together. That evening wearing my new pants I went to see a movie at a military theater where you must stand for the National Anthem. Always have been self conscious, but this evening I ignored the guys chuckling directly behind me. It wasn’t till we left when my friend noticed my “air conditioning” I had worn a pair of undies that were a gag gift...in bright red letters they spelled......... “Dead End”
...she got tired of it after the third time I ran into the curb, yelled at me and told me to get on the handlebars...and ended up taking me home.
Surprisingly nothing ever became of that relationship.
Voted for Perot in 1992.
While having dinner with my girlfriend’s family her mom asked me, “Is that a hickey on your neck?” To which I replied, “No. I don’t have any hickeys.” Then my girlfriend said, “I have one on my chest.” That was followed by extreme silence and a hard stare from her mom. Fortunately for me her dad was half deaf.
NO! :-)
I played Taps for a high school reunion (Elvis’ class, in Memphis) and flubbed the last high note.
I was working in a newspaper printing plant. The paper cam on big rolls that weighted 800-900 pounds. Part of my job was to mount each roll onto a steel shaft for installation into the press. Usually the other pressmen moved the rolls to the presses and installed them. Once, early on in my tenure, I took a shafted roll to one of the presses myself and attempted to install it. Encountering difficulty, I called out:
"Hey, can one of you guys give me a hand? I can't get it up by myself."
Somebody else:
I was a Sergeant in the Army and was supervising some troops in the motor pool. It was a nice day and one of the guys (all big manly men!) was whistling a pleasant tune that I found familiar but couldn't quite place. He got to the chorus and began singing...
"You make me feel...
"You make me feel...
"You make me feel like a..."
He stopped suddenly and looked around sheepishly...and I said "We all know what's next, you might as well finish it."
He declined...