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All I do is scratch dirt and raise chickens without a cell phone.

OH OH, you're in trouble now. Here's one of those epidemiological studies you find so impressive:

RESLUTSL:Growing up on a livestock farm was positively associated with haematological cancer (OR 1.22, 95% CI 1.05 to 1.41), particularly for poultry farms (OR 2.99, 95% CI 1.44 to 6.21), while growing up on a crop farm was not (OR 0.81, 95% CI 0.64 to 1.03). Crop farming in adulthood was associated with an increased haematological cancer risk (OR 1.49, 95% CI 1.13 to 1.96), while livestock farming was not (OR 0.80, 95% CI 0.63 to 1.00), except for beef cattle farming (OR 2.99, 95% CI 1.28 to 7.00). These results did not change appreciably when different control groups with different causes of death were used.—Source:"Farming, growing up on a farm, and haematological cancer mortality.", Mannetje A, Eng A, Pearce N., Occup Environ Med. 2012 Feb;

That's from a peer reviewed scientific journal. Note that the correlation was HIGHER for growing up on a poultry farm—up to 6.1!— than any of the studies for cellular phones. . . Better start looking into cancer and funeral insurance, Candor. And you've been scratching in the dirt. Are you aware of the MINERALS and chemicals that can cause cancer that are in the soil? Why there are high levels of Carcinogenic and mutagenic elements in the soil such as lead, Arsenic, Mercury, and a host of others. . . they occur there naturally. . . and there are ISOTOPES of most of them that are Radioactive! Oh, my. . . radiation! Did you know that in most parts of this country a cancer causing radioactive gas that exudes from the ground that irradiates everyone? it's called Radon.

Seriously, we should post a sign in every hospital delivery room (and probably in every taxi) in this country, placed where every new born can see it when he or she (or those who really can't decide) can see it when they pop their little heads out of the birth canal, reading

CAUTION!
LIVING MAY BE
HAZARDOUS
TO YOUR HEALTH!" After all, none of us but Jesus got out of this condition Alive, and a lot of idiots question his claim! Give the little tyke the option to climb back in if he, she, or whatever-it-thinks-it-is, is afraid to take the chance!

I am even lower than a chicken farmer and sure to die early from the absence of Political Correctness, LOL.. I operate a worm farm for fishermen.....without a cell phone or the possibility of any glomus tumors of the ear.At least Dick Tracy had enough sense to wear his on his wrist.

But do as you wish, and if you feel an unfamiliar tickle in your cell phone ear, don’t lose any sleep at all over it.

Why protest so much? If you don’t want to use your cell phone, then trash it.