Posted on 01/07/2015 3:40:44 PM PST by Jewbacca
In light of the events today, I think we should start a recurring, and on-going, thread of Mohammed Jokes.
I'll start, but remember "jokes don't kill people. Muslims offended by jokes kill people."
And remember, stereotyping a person because of religion is not fair, be they a Christian, Jew, or a terrorist.
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Prophet Mohammed was out on a jihad in foreign lands, got sick, and couldn't get better. He finally called in a Jewish wise man who examined him.
The sage thought for a bit, and then told Mohammed: "Get a bucket. Poop in the bucket. Pee in the bucket. Have all your family do it. Then leave the bucket in a closet for a week. Next, for 7 days, put your head in the bucket and breathe deeply. Then call for me."
Mohammed did as he was told, then called for the sage "By my beard! I am cured! How did you do it?!"
The Jewish sage just shrugged, "Meh. You were just homesick."
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Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile?
Mohammed responded "Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old!"
++++++++++++++++ Q. What is the difference between the Prophet Muhammad and Michael Jackson? A. One is a pedophile child rapist and the other recorded six platinum albums.
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Q. Why don’t Muslims eat pork? A. The Koran forbids cannibalism.
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Q. Why do Arab men wear dirty bed sheets? A. Because a camel can hear the sound of a zipper from a mile away.
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Q. What’s the difference between Mecca and a bowl of yogurt? A. The yogurt has a living culture.
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Q. How do you get a Muslim out of a shower? A. Turn the water on.
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Q. What is the difference between a roll of toilet paper and the Koran? A. One is great for wiping your butt and the other comes in 2-ply.
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Q. What do you call an Iman who owns a camel and a goat? A. Bisexual.
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Q. Why doesn’t G-d stop the wars in the Middle East? A. He doesn’t like Muslims either.
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Q. How do you get Mohammed's wife pregnant? A. Dress her up as a 10-year old boy.
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Q. Did you hear about the Muslim family living in the US who are making every effort they can to integrate themselves into the local community, thereby contributing to worldwide peace and harmony and a greater understanding of their faith?
A. Nope me neither!
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Q: Why did Mohammed make homosexuality a sin in the Koran?
A: Because his boyfriend thought that would make it hotter.
++++++++++++++++++ Q: Hear about Dora the Explorer's muslim friend?
A: She's Doda the Exploda
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Q: What do you get when you win a theological debate with a muslim?
A: Death threats.
++++++++++++++++++ If you get on a plane these days you're not allowed to take shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, liquid soap ...
And I'm thinking, "Aren't they the very things a Muslim wouldn't be carrying anyway?"
++++++++++++++++++++++
What did one Muslim say to another in a supermarket?
Nothing very interesting, they are both completely ordinary members of society who should not be judged based on their ethnic background and skin colour.
And then the building exploded.
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So Marvel Comics will introduce a female Muslim superhero who can fly.
Which is handy, since she's not allowed to drive.
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Why did the sex offenders cross the road?
To catch the bus to the mosque.
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I've set up a demolition company and I don't have to pay my workers. All I do is spray paint 'Mohammad liked it up the ass' on the side of the building.
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"Muhammad come quick, there's a wanted poster with your face on in the market square. It says you're wanted for paedophilia."
Muhammad: "From this day forth, to draw Muhammad is blasphemous and shall be punishable by death!"
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I always take my shoes off before entering a mosque, so they won't get dirty.
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If there was a war in my country because of my religion I would do the only rational thing-
Move to the other side of the world and demand them to adopt to my religion. +++++++++++++++++
My work colleague, Akmed, heard me ranting about my putz of a neighbour and he gave me the following advice. "Think what my holy prophet Mohammed would do in your situation".
So I beheaded him and married his 9 year old daughter.
+++++++++++++++ I think my wife is a part time Muslim...
Once a month she is offended by everything!
Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat’s milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
“This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr.”
“This is my second son. He is a martyr also.”
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully, “They blow up so fast, don’t they?”
I bought a Saudi woman’s diary on e-bay:
Monday – stayed in
Tuesday – stayed in
Wednesday – stayed in
Thursday – stayed in
Friday – stayed in
Saturday – stayed in
Sunday – stayed in
Muslims have no sense of humor.
Every time I tell a Mohammed joke, it gets blow up out of proportion.
Why did Mohammed get on Twitter?
Because Twitter is now 9 years old!
Reminds me of Richard Pryor complaining about no n@ggers being in Logan's Run...."White folks ain't planning for us to be here."
I love Pryor. Remember the SNL word association skit?
Spear chucker - WHITE TRASH!
Nigger - DEAD honkey....
I wonder if it’s still online
Don’t worry, they’ll have bones in them as soon as the muzzies tear open the boxes.
ROFLMAO.
My favorite here is the roller coaster picture. Subtle.
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