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USMC Best Joke of the Year
A Marine squad was scouting north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, low life scum bag who got what he deserved. He yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left-wing Commie who isn’t even an American. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a mean-spirited lesbian! He retaliated by yelling, Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!
And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”
ya beat me this morning!
Top TEN!!!! YAY!!!
Happy Valentine's Day!
Happy Valentine's Day!
355? To figure out how old this line is, I will need to consult with an astronomical physicist to determine what the rate of decay in the Earth's orbit that would equate to this author's 356 day year.
Happy Frid-alentine's-day.
Extreme Cold Weather Predicted
Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming winter going to be cold?’
‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’
‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold winter.’
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’
‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting a butt load of firewood’.
Building Permit
Some have asked what I’m going to be doing in 2014.
Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to wake the whole ‘hood. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it ‘snot’ green with pink trim.
The City Council told me; “Forget it...IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!”
So, I sent the application in again but this time I called it a ‘Mosque’.
Work starts on Monday.
I love this country. It’s the government that scares the crap out of me.
Happy, happy, happy!
Happy Friday.
Its cold here... add to that, I decided to shave my head slick bald in solidarity with my wife, who is bald from chemotherapy.
geez, I picked the wrong time to do it. I feel for you bald guys, its cold!
____
So that's what was in it.
--Nancy Pelosi
Did they mention that Shirley Temple was the Fifth Beatler?
