To: The It once momentarily known on FR as lesliecortner.
Subject: ButtHurt Form.
Dear: Mr./Mrs./Ms./Homosexual/Metrosexual/Bisexual/Lesbian/Trans-sexual/Cross-Dresser/Switch-Hitter/Ambiguous/Unidentifiable/It
Please complete and return the attached ButtHurt Form so that FR can retain a complete investigative record concerning your abruptly terminated presence on the FR forum, in our ZOT Investigation files.
While we provide this ButtHurt form so that you, and we, can identify exactly why you believe your Butt Hurts, please note that filling out the form WILL NOT ease the extremely seared flesh you now have on your posterior, caused by your recent Zotting on FR.
FR has the greatest sympathy for your now "fully-lit afterburner" situation, therefore we are notifying you that you may be eligible for ButtHurt coverage under the Hillary/Romney/Obamacare Healthcare system.
If you take immediate action to initiate your online account at the Hillary/Romney/Obamacare Healthcare system website, the Government has promised that you will be able to get coverage, ummmmm .......... real soon.
Perhaps you will be one of the 8-10 people to actually get signed up for coverage, and your coverage will arrive in time to get treatment for your, coming very soon, Giant Hinnie Scabbie.
If not, be sure to at least check the "Get a Redeemable Coupon for a Free Dishware Setting for Two" check box on the Website. President "ShamWow" is hawking it on TV now, and the President's Wife picked out the Dishware Setting design herself.
Some good news for you is that you now have a standing joke to tell your friends, i.e.,
Them: "Do you smoke?"
You: "Only after I get my Butt Zotted on FR!"
Them/You/Us: "Ha, Ha, Ha, that's really funny!"
Some bad news for you is that the Viking Kitties can smell Wackadoodles, ReTreads and other scum-sucking Toad type Trolls slithering onto FR, every time they try it.
Perhaps you will have better luck next time by not picking the name you use for yourself when you are out cross-dressing at the Dew Drop Inn Bar/1-hour Motel, as your signup name on FR.
Maybe you should "lean forward" and try to sign up with something really bold, like "ConstitutionalConservativeBI". That just might sneak past those ever vigilant Viking Kitties, eh?
P.S. You may be eligible to win the “Best Giant Hinnie Scabbie” Award for 2013. Just point your browser to www.igotmybuttzottedatfr.com and fill out an entry form. Be sure and enter early and often, as there will be many competitors.
Best of Luck to you on winning that award!
