Many theories as to what it does; everything from a sensing array for stealth aircraft, weather control, mind control, communications, long range sensors and more.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
It also slices, dices, makes Julian Lennons!
It will get rid of that unsightly razor stubble!
It'll slice bread, onions, potatoes, garden hose and steel pipe! Without losing its edge!
Order before midnight tonight, and save shipping charges. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Your actual mileage may vary.
Ill? Must be somebody in hell trying to call the boss.