btw: That orange car was very popular at TAMU ... lol
Posted on 10/02/2009 5:24:32 AM PDT by b4its2late
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest (of course unless the weakest bladder has a gun).
8: When stumbling upon other guy watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach .. and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: This deals with the morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, limegreen, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws.
I would simplify this rule if I were king.
“It is acceptable for you to drive. It is not acceptable for her to drive.”
Thanks for the morning chuckle. I have a few more:
1. The only thing beneath you is accepting welfare. If you can’t find a job in your field, clean bathrooms or dig ditches for a while.
2. Whining is unacceptable. No exceptions.
3. The proper response to harsh criticism is “Oh, yeah? I’ll show you what I can do!” A man doesn’t say this out loud, however.
4. Women get the seat on the bus and the seat on the lifeboat.
5. If you want to learn a new skill, start at the bottom and learn it. Nobody else was born knowing how to do it either.
6. Your responsibilities to act morally don’t end just because you feel you were treated unfairly.
7. Real men pick one woman and stay with her. Pick wisely.
8. Men don’t say “I only work here.” A man who accepts money to work for a business takes it personally if customers are not treated well.
9. A man shows respect to all people who deserve it, including waiters and janitors. Actually, especially waiters and janitors.
10. If a man must choose between upholding a key moral principle or saving his life, he makes sure his family will be provided for.
Okay, these aren’t as funny. But my first child is due to be born in the next week, and he’s a son. I like a good brew and football game too, but forgive me if my mind is on other things as well.
No man shall ever, ever be a “Fanilow”.
Those are great. And Congratulations!
[We like naked women as soon as we’re pulled out of one.]
My mother once told me that ALL males are the same: They spend nine months trying to get out of one and about twelve years later they spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in!
Hey, I have four daughters; I can live with all of these!
I have cried over a dead dog; my German Shepard named Rebel!
We got him the week I was born. I used to ride him like a horse when I was little. During his wonderful time in our lives, he caught and cornered two burglars and woke us up during a house fire! He died of parvo at the ripe old age of fourteen! The week before some kids were teasing him through the fence and he cleared the four foot fence - BUT he stopped at the driveway; he knew he wasn’t supposed to leave the yard!
Rebel was family and hell yeah I cried (got misty eyed thinking about him).
I think this rule may be a little negotiable.
Good for you on the first born (soon). Now the fun begins. Get sleep now while you can!
YES!
I know lots of people cry over pet and that’s fine with me, I just don’t like animals, don’t have any, and don’t want any (but I won’t abuse them either). Actually, 75 percent of that list wasn’t funny to me because they are things I don’t relate to (like farting and holding your lover under the sheets).
There was a teacher at the school where my wife teaches who thought this was hilarious and put it on his podcast. Students listened, and he just looked like a big a$$.
btw: That orange car was very popular at TAMU ... lol
27. No real man will ever profess to be a Liberal.
28. Reading Playboy is NOT manly.
29. Toilet seats stay up - no matter who compains.
30. Heros are men like John Basilone, Chesty Puller, Smedley Butler, Joe Foss and George S. Patton.
Yes, most definitely.
28.... LOL
Did you forget rule Number One? NEVER hold a woman’s purse for her, regardless of how gorgeous she looks (no exceptions).
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