Have a personal relationship with the Master of Forgiveness, Jesus.
"Jesus, please help me to forgive for this second."
(In five seconds, when you have un-forgiven...)
"Jesus, please help me to forgive for this second."
(After a while, in five minutes, when you have again un-forgiven...)
"Jesus, please help me to forgive for this minute."
...Hour...Day...Week...Month...Year...
http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10942-015-0210-2
Over the last 20 years, literature on the psychology of forgiving has burgeoned. Despite this, forgiveness literature from the rational-emotive behavior therapy (REBT) perspective has been rare. This is unfortunate, given the elegance of the REBT model and that Ellis touched favorably upon forgiving as far back as 1961. The REBT model is dialogued with the works of Enright and Fitzgibbons (Helping clients forgive. American Psychological Association, Washington, 2000; Forgiveness therapy. American Psychological Association, Washington, 2015) with reference to others. Among recommendations are: (1) using and researching REBT regarding forgiveness; (2) focusing on unforgiveness-reduction when clients cannot contemplate forgiving; (3) recognizing an “Acceptance continuum” of healthy responses from “non-forgiving” to “forgiving”; (4) considering use of REBT with combined unforgiveness and trauma, as well as exploring parallels between the two phenomena; (5) giving primacy to “Unconditional Self Acceptance (followed by Unconditional Life and Other Acceptance); and (6) complementing forgiveness outcomes studies with phenomenological research. The author concurs with Ellis and Harper (A guide to rational living. Wilshire Book Co., Hollywood, 1973/1961) that: “To err is human; to forgive is to be sane and realistic” (p. 111).
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I agree that holding a grudge against another individual can be destructive to not only the person violated but to those around them.
However, there are some acts that should never be forgiven.
Should the Jews forgive Hitler for the atrocities he ordered? No.
There are some events that should never be forgotten or forgiven.
The list is long i.e., Stalin murdering 45 million of his own people, Mao starving millions to death, Pearl Harbor, World Trade Center, etc. etc.