Posted on 09/27/2016 5:12:42 PM PDT by lyby
Dear FReeper Family,
I, my family and I, have reached an impasse. We live in Alabama, and my mother and my only sibling, a younger sister, and her family live in Virginia, very near to Mama.
Unfortunately, I find myself needing legal counsel in order to determine how best to take care of Mama.
If there is a fellow FReeper who can communicate privately with me, I would be extremely grateful.
I have no idea what questions to ask or to whom I should pose those questions.
As of now, I am in research mode and any assistance is most thankfully welcome.
Sincerely,
~ lyby
Yeah, if there are resources the Will needs to be drawn up early. The wife and I saw our lawyer about this a few months ago. Fortunately both our kids are fairly responsible and have great relationship so there is no contention. No matter the situation who does what needs to be decided early.
Mama has already been declared “incompetent”. I do NOT want her stuff.
I can just offer you thoughts and prayers.
Hugs
You need an attorney whose area of practice includes elder law. Which should include care decisions, financial protection, estate planning, and guardian laws. Find one who is licensed to practice where your mother lives. You should also see about getting power of attorney and medical power of attorney if your mother in the event your mom can no longer make those decisions for herself.
Thank you very much for sharing your experience.
For your thoughts and prayers, I am immensely grateful!
But the only valid advice that you can be sure of is legal advice. If you can’t afford an attorney see what Pro Bono resources are available through the state Bar association. Because your circumstances will not be the same as another person in this forum.
I’m caregiver for my mom and have learned a few things, but not sure what you’re needing.
Are you asking about options as to where to place her, leave her in her home and have a caregiver?
You might find answers to some of your questions here:
Thank you.
Thank you for the link. I am in research mode...
Not sure what the issue is, but a third party can act as guardian, but like others have indicated, all that costs money.
Freepers are the best when it comes to advice. I’ve been a recipient many time.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Thank you for your input. I think I am in search of a third-party guardian.
That was the first link I found; it appears to be broken. That’s when I went hunting and found the link I gave. Working for a government agency myself, we’ve had our share of broken links due to website redesigns and organizational changes.
Does your sister have custody of her now? You would have to prove that she is unfit is a guess. What are the chances of getting her moved to where you live? I’m guessing your sister won’t easily relinquish custody? At a minimum, I think a lawyer in the area would be willing to do a phone consult for free to give you an understanding as to what you’re facing in cost, challenges, proof etc.
Your replies, advice, suggestions, and links are so much appreciated... Thank you fellow FReepers! <3
Phillipians 4:13 and Micah 6:8 have been my “go-to” Bible verses for what seems like all my life.
Thank all ya’ll so very much.
~ lyby
No problem. I deal with no internet connection everyday in my job. A broken link is nowhere near as important as your uplifting support... Thank you.
“it appears to be broken”
Oh, sorry about the link. It works for me, so I don’t know what I did wrong.
The Dollar Stretcher website has a number of articles on this from financial help for nursing homes to general guides like:
When You Don’t Think Your Sibling Is Providing Adequate Care to Your Elderly Parents
http://www.stretcher.com/stories/15/15sep21a.cfm
Helping Elderly Parents Organize Must-Have Financial Paperwork and Information
http://www.stretcher.com/stories/15/15nov23e.cfm?16apr11eNS
Answers for Elders
a much more in depth elder care resource directory from decision guides to referrals for services
http://www.answersforelders.com/
THIS is why I am thinking of trying to talk my husband into living in a high end fifth-wheel travel trailer when he retires. On a tiny little lot in the country.
We have no children together, but I have three boys - and I don’t want them to have things to wrestle over.
And I will have it all placed on paper, with an attorney AND discussed with all three boys together at the same time.
I dealt with lots of outrageous weirdness with my husbands family and with mine. I am not trying to leave that legacy to my boys. Right now I have three properties = future HELL for my boys. It’s expensive, sad, confusing and will destroy sibling relationships.
It is not worth the last minute nonsense that many parents put their children through.
You folks did the right thing.
Thank you, sir, for taking the time to reply...
Although Mama has recently received a medical diagnosis that she can no longer make competent decisions for herself, neither my sister nor I have “custody” of her.
However, we share co-power of attorney.
Unfortunately, we are not in agreement as how to best care for Mama...
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