Posted on 09/27/2016 5:12:42 PM PDT by lyby
Dear FReeper Family,
I, my family and I, have reached an impasse. We live in Alabama, and my mother and my only sibling, a younger sister, and her family live in Virginia, very near to Mama.
Unfortunately, I find myself needing legal counsel in order to determine how best to take care of Mama.
If there is a fellow FReeper who can communicate privately with me, I would be extremely grateful.
I have no idea what questions to ask or to whom I should pose those questions.
As of now, I am in research mode and any assistance is most thankfully welcome.
Sincerely,
~ lyby
I wish we were The Walton's...
Lots more information needed.
.
I want to be compassionate here. This is no place fot free legal advice. Hell hath no fury like an heir. But isn respect of you because we have no clue, go to your mothers town with great dispatch and seek counsel ( PAY FOR IT!!) regarding guardianship. GO FREEPERS!!
Usually the relative living closest to the relative in question will have control over what happens in their life. It’s difficult to take care of someone who lives several states away.
You might think about contacting an eldercare attorney to see what your options are.
IMO there's no short answer to your dilemma but I do hope you can work this out for your mother's good.
Each state has an agency to assist with elder issues. Sometimes it’s services, sometimes it’s advice or a point in the right direction. They’re usually up on the state laws.
This is a link to Virginia’s agency. https://www.virginia.gov/agencies/department-for-aging-and-rehabilitative-services/#services-offered. This also includes Adult Protective Services, if that’s needed.
Also, if you have benefits through an employer (your own or a spouse’s), see if you have Employee Assistance. This usually runs the gamut of things, from mental health and substance abuse, to some free legal counsel and elder care issues. Just depends on what the employer provides.
Depends on the situation. Is the nearby sibling responsible is the most important question. Dealing with things is easiest for the closest person with the time to spend. If that person is not responsible, drugs, etc. move fast, get a lawyer, a will, etc. move the parent to the nearest responsible sibling.
Generic advice. Disposition of assets needs to be decided way before deterioration sets in. If there are significant assets. If not then not important.
Everyone needs a Best Friend ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it_04dk_97E&list=RDo6KYUaazWFk&index=2
Thank you for commenting. I cannot share any more information publically.
Sorry to hear you’re going through what sounds like a difficult time. If it’s matters of law you need to consult about, then it’s best to chat with a lawyer as has been pointed out.
I would also suggest researching online to see what resources are available, here’s one to start with:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/caringforyourparents/handbook/legalissues/findinglegal.html
If you’re unable to afford legal advice, there’s probably pro-bono resources in your area. Call the nearest Legal Aide office and see if they can give you a point you in the right direction.
What I do if I just need some quick, not overly-complicated advice is stop by an atty’s office and tell them I can only afford $50 (cash on the barrel-head) worth of advice. I’ve found that lawyers, being lawyers, will usually get into hearing themselves talk and I get more than my money’s worth.
I most certainly am not requesting “free legal advice”. I am asking for guidance as to options.
Thank you, sir. Your advice is on my list.
I appreciate the link you shared with me.
Too late on that one...
I appreciate your uplifting reply and the link.
You’re welcome. One thing I remember that our mother would always say when going through a tough time, “things always work out”. And it’s true - it’s just sometimes hard to grasp that when you’re a person is going through it.
The one thing I would suggest - when you get ahold of someone who can assist you, or at least help clear up some issues, is to write your questions/concerns down one by one beforehand. That helps to focus the specific concerns for you and gives you a “checklist” to go through with them.
It’s easy to just let them all mix together and feel like a heavier burden than they do when taken step-by-step.
Take good care.
You are going to need a Virginia lawyer familiar with elder law. It would be best to have someone known (favorably) to the court that has jurisdiction. (Depending on the state, that might be a probate court, a family law court, or the top trial court in the county. (I know nothing about Virginia law nor their court system).
The next step is to figure out what it is you want to do - have her declared incompetent? Move her away from her home and friends? Get her stuff before she dies? Get even with a sibling?
Unless she is extremely wealthy, it shouldn’t take long with three lawyers digging into the estate (the judge is likely to appoint an independent one for your mother) to ensure that no one, except the lawyers, gets anything. And some accountants may be able to grab a handful or two, as well. So if that is a goal, it’s doable.
not knowing a clue as to the entire facts, I did the best I could for a fellow freeper. The answer is a guardianship on the information you cryptically gave. Be prepared for a large outlay of cash in that endeavor. Be sure you have a doctor’s letter (required) that your mom is “Incapacitated”as to her person and estate. You might expect $10,000 minimum. Be prepared for $50,000 ,if your mother fights the loss of her civil rights. Good luck!!
There is a towering amount of learning you must go through and while I went through this with my folks 2010-2014 and orchestrated it with symphonic precision if I do say so myself, lots depends upon whether the three parties can get together and agree on a course of action, and possibly most importantly, whether the elder can competently take part in the planning. In my case, my Mom sat me (1 of three brothers) down over the course of about a year and we planned the whole thing out with surgical precision. I was designated the administrator of the trust/estate. There were no intra-sibling disputes. They had a paid-off house and a good sized stock portfolio, both of which had been properly converted into trust assets (absolutely critical step) and some household furnishings and debris that nobody cared much about one way or another. Nothing had to be improvised as it happened. The only variable was which one required eldercare first and both possibilities were covered.
That said, IANAL and cannot advise you in terms of specifics. And, if I gave you a list of things that have to be done, I could not guarantee it would be complete and properly ordered. However, you could certainly search for such things as “estate planning checklist” to get you started.
They keys are to 1: achieve the stated and planned ends with precision and minimum costs, and 2: to avoid driving yourself utterly insane. It is impossible to get where you wish to go and to achieve 1 & 2 without a LEGALLY OPERATIVE plan that is drawn up OBVIOUSLY OBVIOUSLY beyond your current capability to formulate same. If you DO NOT have a plan AND the commitment on the part of all parties to stick to the plan, you WILL be driven insane. That is a tautology, it is a certainty.
Probably the most profound consideration is whether Mom can competently take part in the planning. If she cannot, your costs will probably quintuple. That means, if it is your sense that this all-agreed-upon plan needs to be established and then presumably followed, then every day it is not in place is a day where a cost-quintupling draws nearer. AND you will be driven insane. That means, if it takes 8 months to get to the point where the options and decisions can be objectively discussed, you bear substantial risk. Your biggest risk is failing to achieve this plan without State intervention, which is going to occur with perfect certainty if your Mom loses competence. At that point, you might just as well lay down and expose your throat because tens of parasites will swoop down and grab whatever they can from your Mom’s estate and will do so with force of law. And, they have done this 5000 times and you have done this zero times, so who is going to win?
There is zero and I mean zero substitute for having a trust or will drawn up by a highly experienced quality ESTATE (not just any) attorney who practices in the state where Mom legally resides. At the same time, just going to an attorney without a substantial pre-agreement on the general guidelines is an invitation to blow off ten hours of atty time interviewing you and blathering about simple stuff you and your sib and Mom can decide yourself. Unless you can’t decide it yourself.
You have my prayers. I’m not in the location you need but might I suggest you also post this to the FR Virginia state message board? May God bless you in the days, weeks, months and perhaps years to come with your family. I am familiar with some difficulties of which you speak.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.