Since May 4, 2004
Wyatt Earp said "Tell them I am coming and Hell is coming with me!" I agree with his sentiment.
As Harry Truman once said 'they say I give 'em hell. I don't give them hell. I tell them the truth and they think it is hell'
When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush. He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return. You could have heard a pin drop.
Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?' You could have heard a pin drop.
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?' Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.' You could have heard a pin drop.>p>
A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. 'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.' The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.' 'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. 'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberat e this country, I couldn't find any damn Frenchmen to show it to.' You could have heard a pin drop.
"It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers. In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late. Accordingly, I am readily willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I will, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials - after the fact." ~Robert E. Lee, 1863 ******************************************************************************
"Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale, and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged." ~President Abraham Lincoln
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln
The Zen of Sarcasm:
(1) Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
(2) Its always darkest before dawn. So if youre going to steal your neighbors newspaper, thats the time to do it.
(3) Dont be irreplaceable. If you cant be replaced, you cant be promoted.
(4) Always remember that youre unique. Just like everyone else.
(5) Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
(6) If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
(7) Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, youre a mile away and you have their shoes.
(8) If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
(9) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
(10) If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
(11) If you tell the truth, you dont have to remember anything.
(12) Some days youre the bug; some days youre the windshield.
(13) Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
(14) The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
(15) A closed mouth gathers no foot.
(16) There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
(17) Generally speaking, you arent learning much when your lips are moving.
(18) Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it.
(19) Never miss a good chance to shut up.
(20) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy!
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
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