This is not my cat, just a Christmas cat picture I found.

Great post! Thanks!

I am disappointed. I thought this was something off the list of "101 Thngs You Can Do With A DEAD Cat."

Then I read the whole thing and the cat is still alive! Ugghh.

Just skip step 35 to get the result you want.

The next picture--as any number of cat wranglers (I was going to say "owners," but no one owns a cat) can tell you--is that the tree is on the floor after the cat has attempted to scale the tree to get at all those lovely swinging ornaments. A friend who has three cats only put up garlands around the tops of her walls this year after her cats attacked her tree last year--and found that the youngest cat had managed to get up on the mantle to take swipes at the garland. She would've made it, too, had she not knocked everything off the mantle first & made too much noise...the other two cats were sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace watching Sherbet intently, in case Sherbet succeeded in bringing down some of the garland for them to play with. My friend figured it was a group effort.

Why don't you just let the cat stay wrapped in the box, poke a few "breathing holes" in it and send it on it's way?

Don't worry, you'll see the cat again when it is "re-gifted" to you next year.

So true....LOL

I have always been of the opinion that cats are too low on the food chain to keep as pets.

If a your dog was suddenly five times it's normal size, it would still fight to protect you and still be your best friend. If your cat were suddenly five times its normal size, you would be a chew-tow the first time it got bored.

"My friend figured it was a group effort."

That's what Sherbet gets for running with the wrong crowd.

My cats a calico, I need to add a few steps where you " remove cats' claws from forearm and apply antibiotic creme".

Here are a few ways to drive your cat absolutely bananas:

1. Take cat toy that includes string or rope, and tie free end to ceiling fan (metal portion). Allow for enough yarn so that cat can reach toy (barely) by leaping. Turn ceiling fan on, HIGH. Watch cat get tired real fast.

2. Turn on computer, play cat sounds on speaker; cat will investigate.

3. Have an old handheld game from the 1970's or 1980's with flashing lights that still works. Turn it on and play (or set it on auto). Watch cat chase the lights.

4. Have an analog weight scale. Step on/off and repeat process so that dial moves up and down. Watch cat chase dial in vain.

Have you ever tried "cat-fishing"?

But a practice fly-fishing rod ... the one that's a lot shorter with yarn and a slightly-weighted "fly" attached to the end of it.

Sit in one room while your cat's in an adjacent room and cast through the doorway into the room. Work the lure slightly and you will soon be trying to land that most elusive of catches: the 10-pound land cat.

If you don't jerk the lure out of its mouth, you can usually work the catch right up next to your chair where you can reach down and snag it into your lap.

Catch and release is preferred (although 11th Earl of March might disagree) because of the fact that, even after having been landed and released, the land cat will usually continue to strike at your lure either just shortly after it hits the floor in the other room or as you retrieve it slowly, twitching it slightly as you do so.

Hours of fun can be had with this sport. There will soon be a program on the Sports Network detailing all of its intricasies. And I can't wait to see televised national cat-fishing competitions.

But a practice fly-fishing rod = Buy a practice fly-fishing rod

"Here are a few ways to drive your cat absolutely bananas:"

Another thing you can do (what me and my siblings did growing up) is put a small piece of masking tape on one of the cat's paws.

It's so funny to watch because the cat will take a few steps then shake the paw the tape is on furiously, then take a few steps and shake, step and shake, etc. Very funny.

Or put the tape on the top of their head and they'll stand there bobbing their head down thinking they are going under something.

I feel sorry for our cats now! LOL

This is another of those tricky cat in a box threads, right? Next will be "Wrapping Christmas Presents (With Cheese).

I got this e-mail a while ago: RULES FOR CATS TO LIVE BY DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get a door open, stand on hind legs and scratch with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up while doing it so it is as long as a human's bare foot. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as "hampering." The following are the rules for "hampering:" 1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. 2) For book reads, get between their chin and the book unless you can lie across the book itself. 3) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach~out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what humans may tell you. 4) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. 5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump, too. 6) (I'd like to add a favorite of my own here, from personal experience) When a human is working at a computer, jump up on the desk, walk across the keyboard, bat at the mouse pointer on the screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress! WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills. BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around. LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes. Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat. Always follow your humans into the bathroom and chew on the shower curtain. Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often and don't forget guests.

Yes, but have you ever tried wrapping presents with a møøse? The tape gets in the antlers and it's impossible to get it out. Then you make the møøse angry and you know what happens next ...

Møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...

I got this e-mail a while ago:

RULES FOR CATS TO LIVE BY DOORS:

Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get a door open, stand on hind legs and scratch with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

CHAIRS AND RUGS:

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up while doing it so it is as long as a human's bare foot.

BATHROOMS:

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

HAMPERING:

If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as "hampering." The following are the rules for "hampering:"

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2) For book reads, get between their chin and the book unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach~out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what humans may tell you.

4) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time.

5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump, too.

6) (I'd like to add a favorite of my own here, from personal experience) When a human is working at a computer, jump up on the desk, walk across the keyboard, bat at the mouse pointer on the screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress!

WALKING:

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME:

Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX:

When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes. Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat. Always follow your humans into the bathroom and chew on the shower curtain. Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often and don't forget guests.

Wait until you see what happens when the moose gets into the cheese!! Ever tried to get moose out of your cheese???