I’m thinking you don’t mean “iconoclastic.” Iconoclasm calls for the destruction of icons (holy images), and the Syrians have been glorifying God with images in their churches since -— well, documentably, since the 230’s AD (I’m thinking of the ancient Church unearthed at Duro-Europos.)
I have a notion of how *down* you feel. My poor son Vanya has almost given up on life. He has multiple problems from being a Russian Orphanage child, but it goes deeper when you can't figure out why you're even existing.
Shakespeare's MacBeth, in the famous "despair speech" says "Life is tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
But I don't believe that. I believe the Lord can fill all things full of meaning, even suffering can be meaningful, but in a way we only obscurely understand now. If suffering were meaningless, why would Jesus have chosen, yes chosen, the cross?
And said "Take up your cross and follow me."
At first thought, this sounds almost offensive. But, upon pondering, I think it is sufficient. And not only sufficient: offered to the Lord, it ends up glorified with Him.
I will pray for you and yours.
If I may ask, please pray for me and mine.