I am earnestly seeking G-d, but that G-d is the G-d of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I can tell you for a fact that I will never become a believing Christian, or a believing anything else - I was born a Jew, and I will die believing in the faith of my Fathers and doing my (very imperfect) best to live up to its highest ideals and practices.
Again, I thank you for your kind words and thoughts - it is genuinely refreshing to NOT read something like “believe as I do, or you’re going to burn in Hell!” Not that I believe in a Hell of that sort, anyway, but I’m sure that you understand that such a sentiment coming from another person doesn’t exactly give me the warm & fuzzies.
G-d is indeed kind and just - after all, He invented those very concepts and inscribed them on our souls. I know with a certainty that every person, myself included, will be dealt with justly (though I would hope that my actions during my lifetime would also make me deserving of some of G-d’s mercy).
I doubt that Paul--actually, Saul of Tarsus--would have believed, said, or written anything substantially different than you just did. He could never have anticipated what happened to him, nor I what God worked in me. He is stronger than our strongest beliefs. I've met many who said just what you did and were dumbfounded later at what they came to believe wholeheartedly. You heard it here first! Your wonderful God is not finished with you yet. I am not asking or demanding anything of you, friend. I'm just noticing a pattern I've seen many times. O, how He loves you!
We are fooling ourselves if we call God, by the name G-d, and clarify His identity as the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob, because His name includes His authority and character, which is Provided in Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who was given faith by Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Many racially Jewish Hebrews today assert Jesus Christ could not be who He claimed, because God is Spirit. This is errant because He chooses where He will dwell and the Incarnation was the indwelling of God in man. This is not understood, except by the believer, because the unbeliever lacks the perception of spiritual things as the natural man.
Prior to the Incarnation, God embued His Spirit upon some believers, but His dwelling place was also identified by His Shekinah Glory.
In the Church Age, after Jesus Christ was resurrected and Ascended to Heaven, God the Holy Spirit was sent to convict us of sin, righteousness, and judgment. He indwells every believer today.
Those who truly seek to worship the G-d of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob may do so only by recognizing and placing faith alone in what He has provided for our Perfect Sacrifice. Once that faith is placed, and we recognize and place our sins on His Perfect Sacrifice, then God is free in His perfect Holiness (His righteousness and Justice) to provide a regenerated human spirit in the believer and in there He indwells.
The Holy Spirit is required for the further sanctification of the believer, which is not possible without God performing His work of faith in us.
We then study His Word, so that God the Holy Spirit may use that faith (doctrine) in our soul and form it into wisdom, slowly sanctifying our heart.
Rely on what He Provides, His Authority, and His Law by which we may abide in one another through faith and love of our brother. (Interestingly, the 3 things He maintained in the Arc of the Covenant.)
The indwelling of God the Holy Spirit in believers isn't unique to the Church Age. In the Millennial Reign, He will only indwell the Jewish believers.