In the 20 period after leaving the Catholic Church, prior to having a real born again experience (a slow motion process that lasted about 6 years), I often speculated that perhaps purgatory is real and we are all experiencing it with what we call “life”.
On some days, that thought returns to me.
I've thought that too. So much sadness, tragedy and despair. Until you are right with the Lord then you pass from this life to the next. You sound like me. I left the Catholic Church and after going to a Promise Keepers gathering started coming back to the Lord.
It's taken over 14 years and the realization of my mortality to bring me fully back to the Catholic Church. My first confession in over 28 years brought tears to my eyes. I can only describe it as if a blanket had been taken off of me. When I can , I go to mass during the week at 0700 and confession once a week. I've started praying the rosary and remembering what my father said about the Catholic church I learned to hate. That men are weak and fallible but the Church is trying to guide you back to the truth and love of the Lord our savior.
To this day I'm still not fully comfortable at Sunday service but the simpler daily mass suits me well. I didn't realize all the singing, hand holding and hand gestures that have been added to the mass in 3 decades.
Peace brother and I hope your journey back has brought you comfort and peace of mind. Your brother in Christ.......