When we went to Pre-Cana, it was a rather eye opening experience. The priest we were talking to said we had to go to a weekend retreat, and that we would see why it was required then.
Well we did. There were a lot of couples who hadn’t even talked about the most basic things about marriage (for instance, where the new couple would live after the marriage).
The old priest said he had no concerns about us for a variety of reasons. He also said he enjoyed talking to a couple who actually understood what marriage was, and that it wasn’t about the party.
That is why things are so messed up. To many people don’t realize that love is a choice, marriage is for keeps, and that it won’t be all wine and crumpets.
I agree people have never even talked about how many kids, how to discipline, what their life goals are, where they want to live. etc. So much is feelings and emotions. Marriage is a job. It's a wonderful job, but it requires work and commitment. I used that passage in my wedding which I am sure a lot of you might have. "Love is patient, Love is kind...."
But that is love not marriage. So I used “Do not press me to go back and abandon you! Wherever you go I will go, wherever you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people and your God, my God. Where you die I will die, and there be buried. May the LORD do thus to me, and more, if even death separates me from you!” This is marriage!
Three things that I learned about marriage along the way. The first one was so wonderfully simple:
If you get upset when someone takes one of your french fries you are not ready for marriage. If you get upset when someone takes all of your french fries you are not ready for children.
The second thing is do NOT live with someone before marriage, ever. Many people think they will learn all they need to know about a person by living with them before marrying them. This is false, all that comes out of this is sex and a financial dependence upon each other, such as roommates. Not a good way to start a marriage. It really is better to learn the habits of the person after you have made the Sacrament. It's a wonderful time.
Thirdly, this is an awesome question to ask couples before they get married. "If you, your spouse and your child are in a boat and they fall out you can only save one. Who do you save? The correct answer is your spouse. As special as a child is, You can have another one together. The loss of a child would be devastating without your other half.
My 2 bits.
Intellectually, I know you're right that there are many who marry without having ever talked together about the big stuff, but in my gut, it's hard for me to understand.
It isn't how my wife and I went about things.
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