This article appeared in
the weekly parish bulletin column of St. Lambert's Church in Skokie, IL. The author is "
The Rev. Know It All" the resident apologetics personality of the pastor Fr. Richard Simon.
Here it is in its entirity:
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Warning:: THIS EPISODE OF THE REV. KNOW IT ALL IS EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW. PLEASE READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE. THE REV. KNOW IT ALL IS NOT OPPOSED TO ALL WEDDING CELEBRATIONS. HE IS NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUR WEDDING
WHICH WAS A TRIUMPH OF PERSONAL SANCTITY AND GOOD TASTE. HE IS PROBABLY JUST HAVING A BAD DAY.
Dear Rev. Know it all,
I visited your church once and am thinking about having my wedding there. How long is your main aisle?
Mary O’burne
Dear Mary,
I am often asked that question, and never quite understand it. Are brides curious about the length of the aisle because they think a longer aisle may give them a few more minutes to back out of the whole thing? Or, as I suspect, does a long aisle
prolong the glorious promenade of which a young girl dreams as she thumbs through bridal magazine as she contemplates her special day, when all eyes focus on her as she approaches her enchanted prince and all the world thinks she’s gorgeous and
knows that she has bagged her man just as surely as a Wisconsin bricklayer bags a deer and ties it onto the roof of his pick up truck? I have certainly seen a few grooms who look like a frightened deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.
Why is it that weddings cause people to spend so much time, energy and money? And more money.
The average American wedding costs almost $29,000, according to “The Wedding Report”, a market research publication. $29,000!” Oh, by the by, the usual donation to the church is about $200.00. That $200 goes to the church, not to the priest. The usual gift to the priest is a hearty handclasp. The usual cost of the photographer is
$2,000.00. All this tells me that the photographs are one hundred times more important than the grace of the sacrament, in most peoples’ estimation. The usual fee for the DJ is $1,500.00. I am consoled by this. It means that painful,occasionally obscene music loud enough to cause brain damage is only 75 times more important than the grace of the sacrament.
You must be thinking why is this guy so down on weddings? I am down on some weddings because I am very “up” on the sacrament of matrimony and really in favor of marriage. That’s why the modern method of marrying and the wedding industry
make me crazy. They militate against marriage.
Here is the heart of my complaint. IT IS STUPID TO SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY
PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING THAN YOU DO PREPARING FOR THE MARRIAGE!!! I have known people who are still paying the credit card bills generated by the wedding years after the marriage is over.
The Modern Method of Marriage, a Reprise. The following is taken from my own experiences and things people have told me (outside of confession, you’ll be glad to know.) Here goes.
A young man and a young woman meet and have a few dates. They go for a weekend at a bed and breakfast where they bed one another, and then have breakfast. If he isn’t too much of a jerk and she isn’t too picky, they are then an item. She goes to the doctor gets a prescription and goes on to a more permanent form of birth control. At some time during this stage, the uncomfortable meeting with the parents happens. Everyone is polite and “supportive.” Secretly the father of the young woman who knows exactly what’s going on, contemplates buying a gun and the mother of theyoung man begins gossiping with whomever will listen about how her little boy could do better.
After a while, if things hold up, they begin to have the conversation about taking their relationship to the “next level” by which they mean shacking up,
as we used to call it. Now, I think it’s called moving in together.
Mom and Dad buy housewarming gifts in an attempt to, once again, be supportive. They don’t want their little dears to hate them and besides, it’s what everyone is doing these days, so it can’t be wrong. They have vague thoughts about getting married at that point and mom explains to grandma and to friends at church that they are
just doing it to save money for the wedding. At this stage an engagement ring may appear. At some point, when they think about getting the house and the kids, because that’s what you do, they decide to have the wedding. They rent the hall and then go see the priest. He tells them there are four other weddings that day and they
respond, “but we’ve rented the hall already.”
Someone suggests a garden wedding if the church is occupied. The priest says we can’t do garden weddings. (More on this later.) The young couple begins to complain about how narrow minded the Church is with all these rules and regulations. They eventually pick a date. Then the bottom drops out.
It seems the groom is not Catholic. He was baptized in the First Reformed Church of the Druids, though he never practiced. This means there must be a dispensation for the marriage,another irritating Catholic invention, and the wedding date cannot be confirmed until the dispensation is received. The bride goes back to her doctor, this time for a prescription for valium. Her mother joins her on this visit. Finally the
dispensation is granted, The groom’s druid will do one of the readings at the wedding, the loans are taken out, the banns are published. Then there is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The best man comes to the rehearsal drunk out of his mind, the groom only slightly tipsy. The bride is furious at everyone for some reason known to her alone. Probably because the groom is far more interested in drinking and watching the football game on hishand held computer thing than he is in gazing lovingly into her eyes in anticipation of the great day. In fact they haven’t been, well... friendly in weeks. It is, after all, football season.
The special day comes, the best man is still drunk, the groom is hung over, no one knew about that interesting tattoo that the maid of honor had way low on her back, now revealed by the plunging back of her dress that is held up only by wishful thinking. Grandma, upon reading the logo of the maid of honor’s tattoo, has fainted.
Somewhere in all this the vows are exchanged, and quite a few of the wedding party receive their first Holy Communion that day, however one of the ushers
puts the host in his suit pocket not having a clue what it is. (This actually has happened to me twice.) The pictures have been taken. The noise level in the church reaches that of an English soccer match after the riot has broken out. The children are jumping off the altar and the priest is scowling at everyone. Now on to the pictures in the forest preserve, a “must” at every wedding. There the wedding party is attacked by mosquitoes, one of the children falls into the lagoon and the bride is having a hard time smiling for the photos. The best man passes out. On to the reception.
The bride loses it because the shade of fuchsia in the floral center pieces clashes with the shade of fuchsia in the wedding party’s outfit. The groom adjourns to the bar where the game is on the television. The wedding dinner is served as music is played at a mind numbing volume. Grandma is better now. She has turned off her hearing aid. The priest is seated with the pious relatives in plaid suit coats and leaves shortly after the grace before meals. The best man makes the toast which drones on about how he loves the groom and one begins to wonder. The college roommate/maid of honor does the same for the bride, going on for fifteen minutes about how she knew the bride would find eternal marital bliss the moment she met her in the third grade and they have been like sisters ever since.
Then at some point, there is a video presentation of embarrassing photos not unlike the ones that are now shown at wakes. The bar opens up again.The music reaches levels that cause blood to drip from some peoples’ nose and ears. The joyous event ends with the bride and groom being the last to leave the hall. They are slow to go up to the room they have rented in the hotel because nothing new or beautiful awaits them there. The groom promptly falls asleep, being heavily sedated already, and, as he snores away, with his shoes still on, our blushing bride, having shed her dress of virginal white, thinks back on this day, her special day, the most important day in her life, the day she has dreamt of since she was a little girl.
They will stay an extra day at the hotel, but cannot afford the time or money to go on a honeymoon because on Monday they will both be back at work in order to pay off the colossal bill that their special day has incurred. For some reason, the bride is depressed. Perhaps she is realizing that the high point of her life is now past and the rest of it will be spent with the lump that is now snoring beside her with whom she has never really had a serious conversation, except about the proper shade of fuchsia for the floral centerpieces. So it is that we celebrate the marriage of Christ and His Church in these enlightened and tolerant times.
Remember, none of these things happened at your wedding, thank God and don’t think from reading this that I am down on marriage or even weddings. I love a wedding celebration when there is something to celebrate. Also, it is never too late to begin again by taking Christ and His gospel seriously.
PLEASE SPEND MORE TIME AND MONEY PREPARING FOR THE MARRIAGE THAN YOU DO PREPARING FOR THE WEDDING.
Yours,
The Rev, Know it all
P.S. Garden weddings. They look good in all the bridal magazines but they are just opportunities to feed biting insects and suffer from sunburn. It is however amusing to watch the bridesmaids sinking in the mud as they try, after a few margaritas to maneuver the newly laid sod in spiked heals. The bride is generally exhausted from not having slept for three weeks as she worries about the weather reports which are promising a 50 percent chance of typhoons and earthquakes that day. And destination weddings. Don’t get me started on Destination Weddings! You want to be married with just your closest friends on a beach in Maui. That means that Grandma can’t go because she hasn’t flown since the Hindenburg Disaster, and is thinking of cutting you out of the will, and all the friends and relatives who aren’t with you on the beach in Maui realize they aren’t very close to you after all. And I haven’t a clue how long the aisle is here at St. Dymphna’s.
SERIOUS ABOUT MARRIAGE.
Below is the sermon preached at our daughter and son-in-laws wedding, and the vows that they took.
The Wedding Vows They Will Make This Day
Sermon for the Occasion of the Wedding of
________________ and __________________, November 24, 2006
To Be Delivered by ___________________
The Father of the Bride
GOOD AFTERNOON, ladies and gentlemen, Brothers and Sisters, Pastor [of the church where the wedding was held and bride was a member], other ministers of the Gospel present, parents, grandparents, family members and relatives of the Groom and his Bride; friends. My wife and I joyously take the opportunity to introduce to you my own precious parents, (two of) the Bride’s grandparents, [bride’s father’s parents]who have flown in from California for this wonderful occasion (Ask parents to stand). We’re partial, of course, but we believe you will have missed a great blessing if you don’t take some time today to get acquainted with my parents. And we would ask you to pray for Sister [bride’s mother]’ parents, [bride’s mother’s parents]in Missouri who could not be here.
—Introduce other special guests you know to be present ([groom’s father] may have already introduced members of the Groom’s family.)
—Have all preachers to stand.
It is my purpose at this time to give to this assembly some explanation and instruction as to the vows that [groom]and [bride]will make in a few moments; vows they will make to God and to each other, before all of us as witnesses. I do this for two reasons:
1. So that all present, and all who may learn of these proceedings, will understand that this occasion is peculiarly a Christian wedding, not a wedding as the world has come to know them in these evil and apostate generations; and
2. So that especially the young people present, young married couples and unmarried young people, will leave here under greater responsibility for the godliness and Christian fruitfulness of their own futures. I pray that young people will take this instruction with them into their own courtships, marriages and into their own homes.
The one thing that prevents your homes and ours from disintegrating is the grace of God; the sheer grace of God. But it is just that——the grace of God——which becomes the believer’s Grand Tutor at the time of his conversion to Jesus Christ.
Titus 2:11—For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,
12 Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;
13 Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;
14 Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.
15 These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee.
So, it is the grace of God which teaches us, and it teaches us to take certain precautions under God’s Superintendence, for the safety, morality, purity and godly Christian testimony of our homes. The taking of such precautions, in [groom]’ and [bride]’ lives, didn’t begin today. The [groom’s]family and the [bride’s]family have been laying foundations and building some things in to the lives of [groom]and [bride]. Both the Groom and his Bride have been trained to serve Jesus Christ. Both have known little other than direct service to Christ and to His Church on the mission field, in Stateside churches, or in some form of preparation for a life of Christian work. Both are daily readers and students of God’s word. They are sinful and imperfect, and that is because they have the sinful nature of their fathers, Brother [groom’s father]and myself. And realizing that deeply, we have taken precautions.
I say, we take certain precautions. We have taken no vague precautions in the manner of courtship undergone by [groom]and [bride](Not “dating.” [groom]and [bride]didn’t “date.” We don’t believe in “dating.”) [groom]nor [bride]set the rules; we did. We insisted on a chaperoned, hands-off courtship. We insisted on a restraint of their emotions and passions during courtship. When they leave this place, within the conventions of public decency and Christian discretion, witness and example, they will proceed as husband and wife without our protective restraints as their parents, and this day these two will begin in the school of marital passion and emotion, and the duties incurred thereby, as one flesh; blessed by God—endorsed by His Word. But up and until this hour, the development of such passions have been strictly controlled; and their obedience to our rules has, as well, been a test of fitness one for the other. They have passed the test; we thank God for it.
Now for the precautions of this hour and for the remainder of their lives. These precautions are the vows that they will make this day (We believe that the emphases that we will make today are those made in Scripture by the Holy Spirit).
Ecclesiastes 5:4-6
4. When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.
5 Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.
6 Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands?
Job 22:27 Thou shalt make thy prayer unto him, and he shall hear thee, and thou shalt pay thy vows.
Ps 22:25 My praise shall be of thee in the great congregation: I will pay my vows before them that fear him.
Ps 50:14 Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the most High:
Ps 56:12 Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee.
Ps 61:5 For thou, O God, hast heard my vows: thou hast given me the heritage of those that fear thy name.
Ps 61:8 So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever, that I may daily perform my vows.
Ps 116:14 (& v. 18) I will pay my vows unto the LORD now in the presence of all his people.
The Groom will make the following vows:
1. [groom]will vow to take [bride]as his biblically wedded wife.
Biblically wedded. The King James Bible will be the sole authority for the sound maintenance of their new home. Their marriage is not a partnership with the world or with the state. The triangle in their Home must be Christ, the man and the woman.
The Wedding Vows They Will Make This Day (Continued)
1Corinthians 11:3. But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
The state is not a party to their union, and this couple will have to keep this in their hearts when they are raising their own children, and as the state, as it is doing, tries to make more and more encroachment into our homes.
2. [groom]will vow to love and to cherish [bride]even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it; to love her as his own body, for he that loveth his wife loveth himself.
This he will vow based directly on Ephesians chapter 5, verses 25 and following. There will be great sacrifices Amos will have to make for his Bride which could one day mean even the giving up of his own life.
3. [groom]will vow this Love and Fidelity through any and all circumstances of life.
Fidelity. This means faithfulness to the exclusion of any and all others; one wife for life. One bed partner for life. The marriage bed is a gift from God—to be unfaithful is to despise the gift of God.
Hebrews 13:4. Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
4. [groom] will vow this love and fidelity to be in wealth or in poverty, in health or in infirmity; and in whatever state they shall find themselves, [groom] shall demonstrate to [bride] contentment under the hand of God.
We did not decide whether [groom] could take [bride] on the basis of how much money he has in the bank. And if you want to be wealthy, don’t serve as an old-fashioned Bible-preaching Baptist missionary. We did watch to see how hard [groom] is willing to work, but we did not set, as a prerequisite, any aspiration on his part to be wealthy, or to have a large modern house, or drive a late model car. We are fully aware of the financial leanness that may be theirs from-time-to-time as they follow and obey God’s calling on their lives. We hope we can help sometimes, but we may not always be able, ourselves, to do so. Seemingly lean times will be some of God’s training times for them. We are fully aware of some of the lowly, tiny, dark, grungy, cold places they may have to accept as their dwellings while they prepare for service and while on the mission field; fully aware, because we have had to accept these dwellings many times for ourselves, and these two were raised in some of them.
In health or in infirmity. When the body is young, strong and resilient, or when the work and burdens of missionary service wear them down and take away their strength and tear their insides apart. When they see the way clearly, or when they are burdened with the uncertainties of their situation to the point of emotional breakdown. When child birth goes easy, or when it becomes treacherous to mother and child. When the children are born healthy, or when they are born with debilitating handicaps. When doctors advise of the presence of dread disease. If God ever takes one of their dear, precious children, and they stand together by a grave side. Stilllove and fidelity…and contentment.
Philippians 4:11. Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
1 Timothy 6:8. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.
Hebrews 13:5. Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
1Timothy 6:6. …godliness with contentment is great gain.
When in times of adversity, even other Christian people will look in upon [groom]’ and [bride]’ home, and say, “What’s wrong with them? Why do they live in such mean circumstances?” Amos might be accused, at times, of not being a good husband or father, even when he has done all he can to provide, but his family’s level of comforts do not meet the expectations of the modern world, or even those of his colleagues in the ministry. [groom] and [bride] should ignore this kind of criticism—they should work hard, pray earnestly, trust our Heavenly Father for their daily provisions, keep preaching the Gospel, and be content.
5. [groom] will vow to provide for [bride] and to protect her, physically, morally and spiritually always.
[groom]is not required to meet the expectations of the young upward mobile crowd. He doesn’t have to listen to the university-philosophized, career-oriented, computer-addicted financial geniuses who are burning out their lives and often wrecking their homes to keep up with…whoever. Food and raiment, he is to provide, and a roof when possible. The Scriptures warn us, “…if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” Sinners will not soon believe the Gospel of the provision of eternal life and righteousness when preached by a man who gives no testimony of provision for his own household. But the world’s expectations of income levels, luxuries and amenities are not binding on [groom] and [bride].
I advise [groom] to stay out of debt, completely. Buy a box springs and mattress and put it on the floor. Buy a sheet of plywood and set it on cardboard cartons or saw horses and spread a table cloth over it and borrow two folding chairs from the church fellowship hall, and bring them with you when there’s a church function. Leave the rest of the apartment bare until God shows you where there’s a little extra to buy a couch. A living room chair. Don’t go to the bank and get into debt for things. Don’t let people intimidate you by questioning your fitness as a husband just because you haven’t gone into debt to the appliance superstore for the next seven years to have a kitchen full of gadgets to keep up with other young married couples.
And whatever you have, be willing to give it all away, without regret, and start over. (We leave more furniture and appliances scattered out around the world than we care to keep account of, given to believers in need when we leave one station, headed to another. But we’ve never been without just what we’ve needed from place-to-place, from one time to another.) Drive the old pickup or car, and keep replacing the parts, one-by-one, ‘till God provides something more. Don’t go borrow the $25,000 you need nowadays for a new car, to keep up with your peers and have to worry about where you put the payment book.
[groom] will vow to protect [bride] morally and spiritually. The woman is to “have power on her head because of the angels” (1 Corinthians 11:10). “Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression” (1 Timothy 2:14). It is [groom]’ responsibility to protect [bride] from moral and spiritual deception.
1Corinthians 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (lacking self-restraint).
6. [groom] will vow to be joined unto his wife; and that they two shall be one flesh (Matthew 19:5; Genesis 2:24).
[bride] does not become one flesh with [groom]’ family, but with him. [groom] doesn’t cleave unto his wife’s parents, but he cleaves unto his wife. Their home will be a new home. And as much as we will all love to be family, [groom] and [bride] will have to find God’s will for their own home. Neither Brother [groom’s dad] nor I can determine God’s will for [groom]’ and [bride]’ home, and neither can any other members of our families; not their siblings, not anyone. Although we shall be always ready to counsel them, advise them, and pray with them, and we may think that we are very sure that we know what they ought to do, we can not be the determiners of God’s perfect will for them. I have, this day, already transferred the coverture responsibility which I have held over [bride; my daughter] for twenty-one years to [groom], and as much as I may ache for it should I see them struggling, I shall not take that responsibility back.
Matthew 19:6b. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
No divorce! We don’t believe in it.
7. [groom] will vow that he shall, for [bride]’ good always, maintain his love for Jesus Christ above all, and that their union shall have, as its full and primary objective, love and honour to Christ, and service to Him and to His Church.
That is what we raised them for. We raised them to serve the Lord. We didn’t raise them to be sports personalities, or entertainers or stock market analysts. Now, mind you, we don’t call our sons to preach or to pastor. That’s God’s responsibility. But we raise our sons in such a way that they will recognize God’s voice if and when He does call. We could not absolutely determine that Liberty would marry a Gospel preacher, but we did teach her to prepare herself for the potential of being the help meet for a man of God. We raise them to understand that God has first call on their lives.
8. [groom] will vow that he, as a young man, shall, with God’s help, be sober minded, and in all things shew himself, to [bride], and to all who may look in upon their home, a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, and sincerity, and using sound speech that cannot be condemned (Titus 2:6-8). He shall vow that their home shall be a Scripture-reading, learning, teaching and obeying home.
Sober minded. Good works. Uncorrupt doctrine. Gravity. Sincerity. Sound speech. These things are not God’s standard only for young preachers, but are God’s standard for all Christian young men. Whether or not Amos was a preacher, I had the biblical authority to ask him about his doctrine, his labor for Christ and I’ve been listening to his speech to know the soundness of it. [groom] will vow to set that standard. He will have to bathe their marriage in the Scriptures and prayer to keep it.
9. He will vow that he shall take the lead in the rearing of any children with whom God may be pleased to bless their home for our Saviour’s exclusive and unlimited use; for “children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward” (Psalm 127:3).
Children are not “trouble.” Children are not an “expense item” or a “tax deduction.” They are an heritage of the Lord. I teach my children that if they don’t intend to have children, don’t marry. And if they don’t intend to marry, don’t tempt themselves with relationships at all. In other words, we not only intend for our children to marry, but we teach them that, unless God closes the womb, that includes babies. And some will say, “Oh, wait until you can afford them.” Then the same people who propose this set the financial standard so high that the young couple may never be able to “afford” to have children in their opinion. We ignore all media and government calculations on how much it supposedly costs to raise a child from birth through college. …
([bride]’s mother and I have had seven children. If we had submitted our income statements and budgets to most marriage counselors, they would have advised us that we could not have afforded our children; and that might have been considered to be the case especially when her mother was carrying [bride]. We had no money. So, then, what would [groom] have done for a bride? There would not have been a [bride] for [groom] to marry.)
…Mind you….we are talking here about wedding Christian people; not the world’s people, and not just religious people. Someone will advise, “Oh, don’t have children too soon because you need time to bond with your spouse…give it four or five years.” If it takes you four or five years to bond, you had better get yourselves a big set of ‘C’ clamps; you’re using some bad glue. We’re talking about that which God hath joined together. That ‘C’ Clamp is Christ in them, the Hope of Glory. When people suggest all of this worldly philosophy about waiting so many years before having children, there might just be some of that “without natural affection” (Romans 1:31; 2 Timothy 3:3).
If you are one to advise that a young Christian married couple, who are serving the Lord, wait four or five years, or even three before they have children, we would appreciate it kindly if you would not make yourself a counselor to our children.
10. [groom] will vow all of these things ‘till death shall part them, or until Christ shall translate them to be with Himself.
This is the perpetuity of their vows. ‘Till death shall part them, or until the Rapture of the Church, whichever comes first.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The Bride takes certain precautions for her new home by making the following vows:
1. She will vow to take [groom] as her biblically wedded husband. Again, biblically. Not as the world—not even as the religious world, not as the state or the state department of health, not as the education system, not as the women’s rights movement, not as the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Women, not as the labor unions, not as the executive labor market, not as our modern military planners—philosophizes on a wife’s relationship to her husband.
2. [bride] will vow to love him, to cherish him and to submit herself to him as unto the Lord. As the Church is subject unto Christ, she will vow to be subject to her own husband in every thing, and to reverence him (Ephesians ch. 5).
Love him; cherish him. She should not be able to get enough of him. She should ooze with desire for him to show up at the door. She should prepare herself for him as Esther prepared herself for the king; but even more, as the Church ought to be in preparation to meet Christ.
Now, this may offend some women present, but I would not weight a young man down with one of my daughters if she would not publicly vow submission to, subjection to, obedience to, and reverence for him. I am an ordained Baptist preacher who despises the title “reverend.” But [groom] is to be “reverend” in their home (Ephesians 5:33).
And note that Ephesians 5:22 teaches that the wife is to submit herself to her own husband. It’s hard for a woman to do that when she’s working for some other woman’s husband eight, ten or more hours a day. And this must be the standard even with regard to service in the church. There are pastors who will get women out of their homes every day, all week, to work in the church office, missions office, this or that office, Christian school, or wherever. It is understood that these women have a genuine heart to serve the Lord. It is just as wrong, however, for the woman to be subject to the whims of her pastor for forty hours a week, and not be in her own home. And some peoples’ heads are swimming, wondering why there’s so much immorality in the pastors’ offices nowadays.
3. [bride] will vow this love and fidelity through any and all circumstances of life: in wealth or in poverty, in health or in infirmity; and in whatever state they shall find themselves to demonstrate to [groom] contentment under the hand of God and under the headship of [groom], her husband.
Again, fidelity. To the exclusion of any and all others, faithfulness to his bed and to his home. One man for life. One man’s home for life. One man’s bed for life.
Again, through any and all circumstances of life. Through the fat times and the lean times, the times when things are all working and also when everything appears to the human eye to be failing.
Again, contentment.
2 Corinthians 4:15-18. For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.
16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;
18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
The song goes….
I’ve always had a place to sleep; clothes to wear and food to eat——God has been so good to me!
Thank you, Lord, for Mom and Dad, the best friends on Earth I’ve had——God has been so good to me!
God has been so good to me——I thank Him for a fine family—
The little church where I attend, and for all my Christian friends——God has been so good to me.
Thank God I live where men are free; where there’s love and liberty——God has been so good to me!
If all I’ve had He took away, then I still would have to say——God has been so good for me!
Headship! (1 Corinthians 11:3). Your pastor cannot be your head. No employer must be your head. Even your daddy, as of this day, cannot be your head. That man next to you now ([groom]) will be your head.
4. [bride] will vow that she shall maintain her love for Jesus Christ above all, and that their union shall have, as its full and primary objective, love and honour to Christ, and service to Him and to His Church.
Again, Christ is the Center, honoring Him is the objective, and a lifetime of service to Him and His Church is the goal.
5. She will vow that, as a young woman, she shall be sober, will love her husband, and will love any children with whom God may be pleased to bless their home.
Sober. [bride] will vow to take life and marriage and her husband and her children most seriously. Loving children includes being aware of and being in charge of every influence that may affect their young lives; not depending on others to do this in their stead, because, few outside of their own home will protect their children, or even take a serious interest in protecting them. The government schools won’t do it. Loving children means biblical discipline, including the rod, when needed. Such discipline of children is scorned and censured by almost all institutions outside of our homes today. And loving her children will mean that Mom is immediately available to them on a day-in-day-out basis.
6. [bride] will vow to be discreet, [to be] chaste, [to be] a keeper at home, [to be] good, [to be] obedient to her own husband, that the word of God be not blasphemed (Titus 2:4, 5).
Even in marriage, a woman who is faithful to her husband’s bed is considered chaste. Chastity is not lost in marriage, but by sex outside of the bounds of marriage. Discreet here means that she will not deliberately dress, or behave or engage in conversations or activities that arouse or invite the lusts of other men who are not her own husband. There will be no unsound, luring chatter with line workers and in some factory break room, or with colleagues at an office coffee urn. There will be no summer months for Liberty repairing jet fighters on sun-baked tarmacs with her fatigue shirt off easily within the gaze of soldiers and airman. There will be no Internet chat room sessions or email with men with whom she has no business having any kind of concourse. Those examples of indiscretion are taught nowadays as acceptable by our nation’s public institutions. Biblical discretion and chastity have been given up by this generation, virtually altogether; even by today’s churches! But this couple will vow a higher standard this day.
All elder women in the churches are under responsibility to teach these things to younger women. “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women…” (Titus 2:3). But such instruction is rarely carried out. [bride] will vow to prepare herself, in her marriage, to be a sound teacher of younger women in the church when she is in her advanced years, should God honour her with long life. The training for, and practice of, discretion and chastity must begin from the childhoods of both males and females. If you wait until they are 15 or 16 years old to teach them, it’s very hard to get a handle on it. For example, we dress our daughters in modestly long dresses from the day they are born, and we take the same attitude in the modest appearance of our sons.
A keeper at home. She needs to be home and preparing for her own husband; tenderly teaching her own children.
Good. As [groom] vows to be a man of good works, [bride] will vow to be and do…good as well.
Again, obedient to her own husband. How she is seen by others, specifically in her obedience to her own husband, will affect whether others will either honour or blaspheme the word of God.
7. [bride] will vow to follow her husband’s headship in the reading, learning, teaching and obeying of the Scriptures, that in her advanced years she may [have many years of experience and growth] in behavior as becometh holiness; prepared to teach the young women to do as she will vow this day.
Again, following the lead of her head; her own husband.
Again, the Scriptures in the home. To learn the Scriptures, and to teach them to her children properly, will preclude hours of watching day-time television.
8. [bride] will vow that, should God bless their home with children [and we suspect He will], she shall support Amos and help him to rear their children for our Saviour’s exclusive and unlimited use; for children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of her womb will be His reward.
Psalm 128:3 Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.
Although [groom] must take the foremost responsibility before God in child rearing, he needs his wife’s support, help and encouragement. Their children must see consistently united determination to uphold the standards and precepts of God’s Word.
9. And finally, all she will vow this day will be ‘till death shall part them, or until Christ shall translate them with the remainder of the Church to be with Himself.
No divorce. We don’t believe in divorce.
(Call bride and groom to the front of the pulpit and to face each other and recite their vows.)
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Wedding Vows
Groom
I, [GROOM], do now take [BRIDE] as my biblically wedded wife; to, by the grace of God, love and cherish her even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it; to love her as my own body, for he that loveth his wife loveth himself. I vow this love and fidelity through any and all circumstances of life: in wealth or in poverty, in health or in infirmity; and in whatever state we shall find ourselves I shall demonstrate to [bride] contentment under the hand of God. I now fully accept, transferred from [bride]’s father, coverture over her, vowing to provide for her and protect her, physically, morally and spiritually always. I do, as the Scriptures admonish, leave my father and mother to be joined unto my wife; we two shall be one flesh.
I vow that, as no man can love his wife aright without loving Christ supremely, I shall, for [bride]’s good always, maintain my love for Jesus Christ above all, and that our union shall have, as its full and primary objective, love and honour to Christ, and service to Him and to His Church.
I vow that, as a young man, for the spiritual strength and health of our life together, I shall, with God’s help, be sober minded, and in all things shew myself, to [bride], and to all who may look in upon our home, a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, and sincerity, and using sound speech that cannot be condemned. I vow that our home shall be a Scripture-reading, learning, teaching and obeying home.
I vow that I shall take the lead in the rearing of any children with whom God may be pleased to bless our home for our Saviour’s exclusive and unlimited use; for children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward.
All I vow this day, I do so ‘till death shall part us, or until Christ shall translate us to be with Himself.
I, [GROOM], have heard this day the Word of God and the admonition of our fathers, and the instructions as pertaining to the vows on page 14 of this document, understand them, take them with all gravity, and have made these vows to God and to my bride in the assembly of God’s people as witnesses. I willingly place myself under the restraint and discipline of the vows I have made this day.
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[GROOM]
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[Date]
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[Witness]
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[Witness]
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Wedding Vows
Bride
I, [BRIDE], do now take [groom] as my biblically wedded husband; to, by the grace of God, love him, cherish him and submit myself to him as unto the Lord. As the Church is subject unto Christ, I vow to be subject to my own husband in every thing, and to reverence him. I vow this love and fidelity through any and all circumstances of life: in wealth or in poverty, in health or in infirmity; and in whatever state we shall find ourselves I shall demonstrate to Amos contentment under the hand of God and under the headship of [groom], my husband.
I vow that, as no woman can love her husband aright without loving Christ supremely, I shall, for [groom]’s good always, maintain my love for Jesus Christ above all, and that our union shall have, as its full and primary objective, love and honour to Christ, and service to Him and to His Church.
I vow, as a young woman, to be sober, to love my husband, and to love any children with whom God may be pleased to bless our home; to be discreet, chaste, a keeper at home, good, obedient to my own husband, that the word of God be not blasphemed. I vow to follow my husband’s headship in the reading, learning, teaching and obeying of the Scriptures, that in my advanced years I may be in behaviour as becometh holiness; prepared to teach the young women to do as I vow this day.
I vow that, should God bless our home with children, I shall support Amos and help him to rear our children for our Saviour’s exclusive and unlimited use; for children are an heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is His reward.
All I vow this day, I do so ‘till death shall part us, or until Christ shall translate us to be with Himself.
I, [BRIDE], have heard this day the Word of God and the admonition of our fathers, and the instructions as pertaining to the vows on page 16 of this document, understand them, take them with all gravity, and have made these vows to God and to my groom in the assembly of God’s people as witnesses. I willingly place myself under the restraint and discipline of the vows I have made this day.
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[BRIDE]
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Date
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Witness
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Witness
This Original Signed Copy is for safekeeping by
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Other Original Signed Copies are in the safekeeping of
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