You need some event, or disclosure, (like this one) that will bring you to spiritual rock bottom so that you can finally, at long last, confront the Truth of God, as opposed to the lies of Rome.
I have high hopes for you. You can do it. You just need to think outside the box Rome has put you in, just a little. Eventually, something will click for you. I had hoped it would be this, but your inculcation is very, very deep. God will get you to the place you need to be.