Posted on 10/18/2002 11:42:39 AM PDT by 45Auto
If the manhunt for the Washington-area sniper were being handled like the rest of the War on Terror, the story might go something like this…
In a startling development in the War on Snipers, the FBI announced it will begin targeting elderly women driving large sedans in an effort to apprehend the elusive Washington shooter. The FBI statement was issued just days after a bureau analyst became the sniper´s 11th victim when she was gunned down in a Falls Church, Va. Home Depot store.
Following Monday´s shooting, eyewitnesses reported seeing a suspicious individual in a light colored utility van leaving the scene. Although conflicting descriptions of the suspect have kept investigators from releasing a complete profile or sketch, several consistent characteristics have been established. The suspect is said to be driving or riding in a light colored van. The suspect is a male, probably 40-50 years old, with olive skin, possibly of Middle Eastern ethnicity.
Despite obvious consistencies in eyewitness accounts, authorities refuse to characterize the suspect´s ethnicity or race for fear that the rights of certain groups could be unnecessarily infringed through racial profiling. "We don´t know for sure what this shooter looks like," one officer said. "It could be an Arab man in a van or a little old lady in a Crown Victoria. The important thing is that we don´t narrow our investigation before we have all the facts."
"How would you like it if people started looking at you funny just because you wear funny clothes and drive aimlessly around store parking lots in a white Ford Astro with a gun rack?" asked an FBI spokesperson. "We just can´t start picking people out of the blue to focus this investigation on."
To date, the gunman has fired on 11 people, killing 9 and seriously wounding 2. The targets appear to be randomly chosen, ranging in sex, age, race, and nearly every other demographic. Despite a historic manhunt involving local, state, and federal law enforcement agencies, the sniper remains at large, continuing to pick off targets seemingly at will.
The suspect´s weapon of choice has been identified by authorities as an AK-74, a common modified version of the Soviet-made AK-47 assault rifle. This rifle shoots .223 caliber rounds and would likely be shot from a range of no more than 50 yards for maximum accuracy.
Following forensic analysis and identification of the weapon and ammunition being used, law enforcement agents immediately began searching local gun-shop records for links to possible suspects. To date, dozens of firearms have been seized in the investigation including several high-caliber hunting rifles, various handguns, a crossbow and a Red Rider BB repeater. No AK-74 rifles have been found.
An FBI agent who asked to remain anonymous said he is just glad to be able to make a difference in the world. "I´m just happy that we´ve been able to rid this country of a few dozen instruments of terror," he said. "We may not have found the sniper yet, but maybe, just maybe, we´ve disarmed a future terrorist."
But not everyone is so excited about the new anti-firearm security measures. Thirteen year-old Bobby Hill of Rockville, Md. says he was just minding his own business shooting empty Coke cans with his BB gun when the Police SWAT team came pouring out of the woods near his home.
"They asked me why I wasn´t wearing eye protection and whether I was shooting under adult supervision," Bobby said. "When I told them that I was home alone and had never worn those dorky goggles that Mom bought me, the officers took my gun. They said it was for my own good."
A Rockville Police Department spokesperson declined to comment about the incident, but later issued a statement saying, "Guns are not toys… you could put an eye out with that thing."
To date, no "well regulated militia" of citizens has been organized to hunt down and kill the sniper. Instead, the protection of the citizenry has been left to "professional" law enforcement personnel. "We can´t have every wacko with a hunting rifle running around looking for a sniper to shoot," a Rockville detective said. "We have to approach this investigation carefully… methodically. It´s just best if all you so-called concerned citizens stay home and leave the shooting to the big boys."
Meanwhile, citizens of Washington D.C. and surrounding areas are being encouraged to avoid walking in straight lines and loitering in broad daylight. Public service announcements have encouraged citizens to crouch down while pumping gas and to remain in the shadows if they must be outdoors for extended periods of time. Others have suggested that commuters learn to drive "gangster style," with the driver´s seat reclined to present a lower profile target.
Ignoring the warnings, Yucko the clown, a Howard Stern Radio Show correspondent, toured several D.C. area gas stations on Wednesday, wearing a large red and white target with the words "shoot me" written across it. To the dismay of Stern´s listeners, the sniper chose not to take the clown´s advice.
Though leads in the case have been few and unfruitful, Police remain optimistic that the shooter will soon be apprehended. "With the new security measures in place, I can´t help but feel that we´re on the verge of a breakthrough," one officer said. "I know it´s inconvenient, but if a couple of old ladies have to get frisked, and a few BB guns have to get confiscated to get this guy, it´s all worthwhile."
Edna Mae Franklin, a nearsighted grandmother of 10, says she hopes the Police find the shooter, but she wishes they didn´t have to frisk her to find him. "I had just left the pharmacy and was turning onto Main Street when the Police pulled me over," she said. "I thought I had forgotten to use my turn signal again, but when the officer pulled his gun and ordered me to get out of the car, I knew something bad was about to happen."
Ms. Franklin was ordered to lie facedown on the sidewalk as her 1983 Lincoln Continental was searched for weapons. Although no guns were found, bomb-sniffing dogs did find a suspicious white powder, which, after analysis, turned out to be powdered sugar from a pie Edna Mae had recently delivered to a sick friend.
"I know they were just doing their jobs," Edna Mae said. "But I just don´t see why they didn´t pull over the white Econovan in front of me. Those two Arab men inside looked a little suspicious, if you ask me."
When I saw the Red Ryder reference I knew it was only a matter of time. LOL
I am seriously hoping that this is sarcasm. If not we are in deep trouble.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.