If women want to be treated equally then they should accept the fact that when they do these things they will suffer the same consequences as men.
Posted on 10/15/2002 12:31:34 PM PDT by chance33_98
Few resources for male victims of domestic violence By JASON SCHULTZ Sentinel staff writer SANTA CRUZ — It’s a source of mockery among men, leading to cruel comments, such as "You got beat up by your girlfriend?"
But it is no laughing matter for many men, and the comments only makes their pain worse. Male victims of domestic violence feel a secret shame, social workers say, and they have few places to turn for support.
Seventy-one males reported being beaten up or abused by their female partners in the unincorporated areas of Santa Cruz County from Jan. 1 to Oct. 1, according to the Santa Cruz County Sheriff’s Office. While that pales to the 212 women who reported being victims of domestic violence during the same period, that doesn’t make the troubles of those male victims any less real.
Gillian Greensite director of UC Santa Cruz’s rape-prevention program, said national statistics show more than 90 percent of all domestic violence victims are females battered by males. Police and social workers agree, however, that many men who are battered never report the incident because of the social stigma attached with a man reporting being beaten by a woman.
"It’s not considered macho for a guy to admit that’s something that’s happened to you," said Patricia Gilbertson, director of Family Matters in Scotts Valley. "They face belittling from their friends — ‘Can’t you handle a woman?’ — that type of thing. I’m sure there are many more male victims out there."
Greensite said she hears of incidents in which a girlfriend hits or throws something at a boyfriend or husband, and that the man, while likely physically stronger, refuses to strike back. Greensite said she holds those male victims in high regard because they didn’t fight back, but sees how doing that can wreak emotional havoc with some men.
"Plus, men are not socialized to talk about their feelings," Greensite said. "They just don’t know how to handle it, and I try to tell them that it doesn’t make them weak."
Gilbertson’s husband, District Attorney’s Office inspector Tom Gilbertson, said that sense of shame causes many men to hold back information from police, if they tell them anything at all, and that most domestic violence incidents in which the victims are men wind up getting classified as simple assaults.
He said the underreporting is part of an unfortunate cycle; because there’s less attention, there’s less funding dedicated to services for male victims.
"The male victim is an underserved population in this county," Tom Gilbertson said.
Very few resources exist for male victims, including no shelters and no support groups specifically dedicated to this issue. said Christine McGuire, who sits on the board of the Women’s Crisis Support Center, by far the county’s largest domestic violence victim’s support organization.
She said the reality is that the overwhelming number of victims are women, and there is not even enough money to meet their needs.
"There is such a limited pot of money, and because most victims are women, that is where the services are focused," she said.
McGuire said Women’s Crisis Support does assign advocates to all victims, regardless of their sex, and that the center tries to connect male victims with therapists who have experience handling male victims.
Victims of domestic violence of any sex can call the Women’s Crisis Center for help at the hotline number at 685-3737.
Sure I can, but if I did I'd be in jail!
My ex suffered from the double whammy of inability to manage money and inability to accept responsibility for her errors. Consequently, every month or so when the subject of finances (or lack thereof) would come about, I would suggest that I take over the financial planning for the family. Since she could not reconcile in her mind that she wasn't any good at it, she would fly into rages of fury (directed at me) that resulted in a house full of flying objects. I've had toasters, blenders, potted plants, kitchen knives, a vcr, crystal vases, and various other things thrown at me at high speeds and usually in combination. My only option was to duck and run for the door, it's not like you can hit back.
Yup. The last thing you should do is give her a scar to show police. Just leave.
Well, I did say "ex".
If women want to be treated equally then they should accept the fact that when they do these things they will suffer the same consequences as men.
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