Posted on 04/01/2002 8:54:23 AM PST by ex-Texan
Geraldo Rivera Explodes During Live Report
By Greg Shaw
These are the last images of FOX News' Geraldo Rivera before the venerable news personality blew himself to pieces before a shocked television audience estimated at more than 20 million.
JERUSALEM — In a live report from a Palestinian enclave in the troubled Middle East, veteran reporter Geraldo Rivera blew himself to pieces before a shocked television audience estimated at more than 20 million.
"I was stunned and appalled," said Fox News anchor Brit Hume. "One moment he was there gesticulating wildly, the next he'd disappeared in a thunderous explosion."
The tragedy came at a point where the excitable Geraldo, wearing Hasidic garb and a Star of David, had entered an impassioned speech about how he'd been a Zionist all his life and would die for Israel.
"If that dastardly Yasser Arafat were here, I'd kick him in his dastardly groin and yank his dastardly hair out," steamed Rivera.
Suddenly, Rivera donned a belt of explosives, traditional Palestinian terrorist headdress and a pair of Oakely sunglasses, then announced that he'd become a Palestinian.
"But after seeing the suffering of the Palestinian people up close, I have also become a Palestinian," said Rivera. "I'm going to partially convert to Islam and have a picture taken for my press pass showing me wearing this traditional suicide bomber garb and flashing the peace sign. I'm warning Ariel Sharon that if he doesn't stop picking on the peace-loving terrorists of Palestine, I'm going to declare Jihad, and kick myself really hard in the Zionist half of my dastardly Zionist-loving groin and..." — suddenly the intrepid reporter vanished with an earth-shattering roar. Emergency personnel arrived quickly at the site of the tragedy.
"At first we thought Geraldo hadn't been here at all, that he'd actually been reporting from Tora Bora, but then we found his smoldering mustache," said Isaac Goldstein, one of the first to arrive on the scene. "I guess he accidentally triggered the explosives. I suppose he's a martyr now."
Reacting to the astonishingly high ratings the tragedy has produced for FOX News, MSNBC President Erik Sorenson said enthusiastically, "We got 'em, we've finally got 'em!" as he dropped a list of personnel, and picked up the phone to make arrangements for several of the many potential martyrs at MSNBC to appear live with explosives in special reports from the Middle East. "We've got way more idiots we can afford to blow up than FOX does."
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Thanks!
Thanks, I needed that. :-)
April Fools or not, this is disgusting!
Admin Moderator, YANK this CRAP!
Nice touch.
Bump.
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