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I have a sneak preview of the SOTU address:

“Veeblefetzer.

Border is secure I would say even though thousands of new voters cross it every day, which is good, because as you know, I need thousands of votes to catch up to that other guy, code name Russian agent of chaos, whom I beat last time, thanks to my pals at various big city Democrat h.q., code name, deliver the mail.

Veeblefetzer. Indubitably. We remain and are always on the alert. I sleep a lot less than 19 hours a day, but when I am asleep, the vice president, forget her name, does an okay job, just as I did for the boss, I mean, you know, that presentable black guy.

Indubitably well suited for work, look to your right and pretend to wave at a friend. Thumbs up, better times lie ahead, smile and wave to a friend.

Thank you. Last one to leave, turn out the lights, listen, I could easily do another term, I have nothing else pressing except for my other job coaching junior school girls volleyball. Volley that ball, girls, Uncle Joe has a special treat for you. Anyone like ice cream?

Russia. I have to say the word, we will defend Ukraine to the last Ukrainian, and never give up, unless of course Karl says give up. Karl is a guy well I should not say too much.

I should not say too much.

Oops.

Pretend you saw a very good friend in row twelve.

Good night.

Applause.