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What the British judge SHOULD have ruled:

Mr. Robinson, since you do not have sufficient funds to immediately pay your fines, I am remanding you to jail (gaol?) to wait for 30 days for your final sentencing.
I am directing the Clerk of the Court to immediately set up two GoFundMe pages, both of which will only accept donations from your fellow Americans.
The first one will raise funds to pay off your fines and spring you free.
The second one will be for those who wish you to remain in jail an additional 11 months.
After 30 days, this Court will keep the contents of whichever fund is greater, and abide by the conditions attached to it.
The other fund will be donated to the British Corgi Rescue Society.
Since you have no apparent means to hire your own Solicitor, a suitable volunteer will be found for you. We are now attempting to contact every known retired British actor who has ever portrayed a Solicitor, Barrister or Magistrate on BBC-TV. We realize that Our Cousins Across The Pond put an inordinately high value on "feelings" over reasoning, and we want you to feel as if you are getting the absolute gold standard of Legal Representation.