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I can’t accept a bombardment with cannon balls as being analogous to a slap on the hand.

The Husband is 20 million people. What does a bombardment of ~100 of them in a fort (during which nobody was killed) equate to on that scale?

At the time Lincoln took office, there were 20 Union states, all with stable governments, commerce occurring, ships sailing to and fro, newspapers printing, banks lending, legislators legislating, roads and canals bustling, and so forth.

There was no evidence of any collapse of the Union.

There was no evidence of rebellion. No shooting, no rioting, no forceful occupation, no imprisonment, and no lawlessness.

With the one exception in Charleston, all Union facilities had been peacefully obtained with representatives sent to Washington to arrange repayment.

The only thing that Lincoln and the Union government did not have was any international trade on which to collect tariffs.

In fact, as Lincoln took office, there was only enough cash in the Treasury to run the entire government for about three months, with no source in sight.

That is when the Northern “Fire-eaters” began to visit his office in the White House to demand he stop the South's ability to trade directly with Europe.

It started a war that killed more people than every other war this nation has been involved in combined.
Your question is like asking why did the assassination of one arch duke of Austria-Hungary equate to the eventual deaths of 17 million. Every war begins with an act, however small or large.