Love, love, love it. I'll go first.
The smashed hard drives contain salacious photos of Imran servicing Debbie Wassermann Shultz. She hired Imran and kept him on her payroll b/c she enjoys Paki-style sex.
D/W/S is desperate to get her (cough) laptop back b/c she has some unusual ways to reach orgasm....involving toner and Democrat lawn signs.
winner.