Think of that guy Sam, the first openly gay football player.
He has a petite boyfriend. In his mind, he is acting normal. A small body submits to his powerful body.
I think it starts at a young age, when hormones kick in. There is confusion that kicks in during a raging dose of hormones. Maybe complete rejection by the opposite sex, yet desperation to have sex. Then two boys service each other. That’s it. Maybe a mother who is not affectionate. Maybe it’s too intense to think of a woman, and a willing guy is just easier. Something is missing.
When boys are about 12 years old, the light switch turn on. The shape of a woman’s butt becomes an extreme attraction. For gays, it must happen too. But then the cultural stuff kicks in, and any butt will fill a raging need.
Maybe complete rejection by the opposite sex”
I have observed that, in fact, in some gay men honest enough to admit/give an account of why they are the way they are.
then once a sex act happens, all of a sudden, things start to get hard wired.
of course, trauma is also very often present, tragically.