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Besides not working today to celebrant Immigrant day, I have done the following:

Last month, I changed my name to Juan Jose Mohammed, to get my EBT card and other freebies.

Then, I took down my Rebel flag (which you CAN’T buy on Amazon anymore) and peeled the NRA and Trump stickers off my front window and my F250 4 wheel pickup. I replaced them with Cair/LaRaza stickers.

I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the wimpy Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.

Next, I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN Buy on EBAY or Amazon) and ran it up the flagpole. Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. FBI Director Comey personally calls twice a day to see if we are safe from the evil Trump people.

I’ve NEVER felt safer, and I’m saving $80 a month, ADT used to charge me. Plus, I bought burkas for us to wear from Amazon. Now, when I go out to stock up at Wal-Mart. Everyone moves out of the way and security can’t pat me down. If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say I’m feeling like a woman today and where is my special bathroom. They turn and run away. The women’s bathrooms are so much cleaner than the men’s! Target will be installing an urinal in their women’s bathroom for me.

The good people at CAIR call me at least twice a day to see if we need anything or want to protest anything.

The Mexican embassy also calls us daily to see if we need anymore freebies and did we need more La Raza stickers.

We have Chuckie Schumer’s, McCain’s and Pelosi’s private phone numbers on Speed Dial on our new Free Obama I Phone 7’s, with premium and free Verizon service, if we need anything.

Safe at last. Isn’t this country great! Hot Dog…(Only all beef!)!

Yours Truly, Juan Jose Mohammed.