After the results for the states in the Easter Time Zone report and Trump carries ME and NH, I will make a cup of warm chocolate.
The rest of the Idiot States of RI, MA, CT, and VT will be called for Clinton. (I was born in one of those states and was stationed in another of them. I migrated to TX because I was tired of dealing with idiots who thought living within 25 miles of Harvard somehow made the geniuses.)
When NY, NC, OH are declared too close to call and PA has Trump up, I will continue sipping.
When MD is too close to call and GA goes for Trump, I will have another sip.
As the states in the Central Time Zone begin to report, I will smile and sip when Trump wins FL in a landslide.
The South (KY, WV, TN, AR, AL, MS, and LA) goes Trump, I will finish my first cup of warm chocolate and make another.
MI, WI, IA, and MI will be called too close to call. IL will be called for Clinton. We will be reminted that NY is still too close to call.
The Great Plains states (ND, SD, NE, KS, OK, and TX) will all go heavily Trump.
As I sip chocolate, I will click over to the Clinton sNews Network to watch Rachel Madcow pick a fight with Tingle Leg when she hears NY, NC, MD all went for Trump. She hits old Tingle Leg in the face with her fist. Old Tingle Leg announced, “Madcow, I have never hit a woman before!” He decks her, turns to the camera, and announced, “And I have still not hit a woman! She is better endowed than Ant-Knee Weiner. Rachel is really Michael. She is as big a fraud as Hillary.”
I click back to One America News Network which has breaking news: HILLARY CLINTON, HUMA ABEDIN ARRESTS FOR FRAUD, MONEY LAUNDERING, AND ESPIONAGE!
I calmly finish my chocolate and unlock the liquor cabinet.
I hear a series of single gunshots. I open my gun safe and take out some protection. Then I realize it is my neighbors who have the “I’m with Her” bumper stickers trying to blow their brains out. I talk to the police who have responded. One says, “She shot herself four times in the head and is still conscious.” I nod and tell the police to drop by after their shift ends for a drink.
LOL