These quotes were taken from the book, “Non Campus Mentis.” It is a collection of quotes from actual term papers and blue book exams.
1. There was Upper Egypt and Lower Egypt. Lower Egypt was actually farther up than Upper Egypt which was of course lower down than the upper part.
2. Prehistoricle people spent all day banging rocks together so they could get something to eat. This was the Stoned Age.
3. Babylon was similar to Egypt because of the differences they had apart from each other. Egypt, for example, only had Egyptians. While Babylon had Summarians, Acadians, and Canadians, to name a few.
4. The Pyramids were large, square triangles in the desert. O’Cyrus, a god who lived in a piramid, would grant you the afterlife if your sole was on straight.
5. Babylon honored its gods by building pyramids in the shape of zeplins.
6. Zorroastrologism was founded by Zorro. This was a duelist religion.
7. Egyptian rulers were called Faroes. It was a custom among faroes not to marry their wives.
8. Moses was told by Jesus Christ to lead the people out of Egypt into the Sahaira Desert. The Book of Exodus describes the events which occurred on the trip; including the Ten Commandments, various special effects, and the building of the Suez Canal.
9. Judyism had one big God named Yahoo.
10. The Greeks won the Trojan war because they had wooden horses while the Tojans were only able to fight with their feet.
11. Alexander the Great conquered Egypt, Babylon and Japan. Sadly, he died with no hairs.
12. Caesar inspired his troops by saying, “I came, I saw, I went” He was assassinated on the Yikes of March. he was reported to have said, “Me too, Brutus!”
13. Romans persacuted Christians by lionizing them.
14. During the Dark Ages, it was mostly dark.
15. Power belonged to a patriarchy empowering all genders except the female. Nuns, for example, were generally women.
16. The Wholey Roman Empire amazed many when it was found in Germany.
17. Monks were assigned to monkeries where they were supposed to live as nuns. Many, however, simply preyed by day and played by night. Fryers had to take a vow of pottery.
18. A German soldier put Rome in a sack.
19. In 1066, Norman the Conqueror overran England. England’s Henry II acquired new parts by marrying Ellenor of Equine.
20. The English Church used Thomas Becket as a mortar.
21. Without the discovery of the flying buttock it would have been impossible to build the Gothic Cathedral.
22. Jihad became a Swahili god.
23. Harun Al-Rashid rose to Calico of the Islams.
24. Russia was crushed under the Mongol yolk.
25. The Mongrels invaded Syria and Egypt in 1260.
26. New weapons forced nobels to deride from their horses. The longbow, for example, was a bow and arrow only more painful. Knights now had to carry armored plates into battle.
27. The French king moved the Popes to Arizona where he could keep an eye on them.
28. Ivan the Terrible started life as a child, a fact which troubled his later personality.
29. Charles V spent most of his reign aging.
30. Cortez was the leader of a little group of torreadors who subdued the inhabitants of New Mexico with ease. Small Box, which they took with them, was killing the natives at a very quick rate. This bothered the Spanish little, for as Catholics they did not believe in God.
31. An angry Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door.
32. John Calvin Klien translated the Bible to American so the people of Geneva could read it.
33. The Popes, of course, were usually Catholic.
34. The German Emperor’s lower passage was blocked by the French.
35. Sir Issac Newton invented the newton.
36. In Deisim, God made the world and then stepped on it. He watches like a movie, eating his candy and munching his popcorn.
37. The American colonies were on a continent and England was an island. Thus, America wanted independence.
38. Another problem was that France was full of French people.
39. The Boston Tea Party was held at Pearl Harbor. The Quebec Act was an intolerable act because it forced Americans to learn French in school.
40. The Americans wanted no involvement in the French and Indian war because they didn’t want to fight in India.
41. Yorktown was Robert E. Lee’s greatest victory. Washington defeated the Allies at Gettysburg.