You asked for this, Teddy.
Minion! *Clapclap* Fetch my guitar!
To the tune of; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rwcNv3dhTM
Ted Cruz is so in love with Heidi
At least all his people tell him so
And while he thinks that she’s a very special lady
It’s probably not the way he’d choose to go
But a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction
And Marco’s just not gay any more.
Ted Cruz is Ted Cruz crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Ted Cruz’s troubles
You might be Ted Cruz crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy ill-fitting suits.
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who’d choose to vote for Ted Cruz.
Ted Cruz is always getting older
He knows he’ll never be a hot young man
And when Ted Cruz looks back over his shoulder
He’s lost to Donald Trump big yet again.
He knows someday he’ll just be seen as
Some old white politician
While someone younger whups him in the polls.
Ted Cruz is Ted Cruz crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Ted Cruz’s troubles
You might be Ted Cruz crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy ill-fitting suits.
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who’d choose to vote for Ted Cruz.
Ted Cruz hopes somewhere there’s a place for him
‘Cause no one thinks he’s American any more...
Somewhere in some secluded office
Poor Ted Cruz sits staring at the wall
And the outside world is always such a hassle
Sometimes he won’t go out at all
There are millions who know his name
He thinks everybody loves him
Why is it that he feels so alone?
Ted Cruz is Ted Cruz crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Ted Cruz’s troubles
You might be Ted Cruz crazy too
You’d flash your big white shiny smile
You’d buy ill-fitting suits.
But you’d be the only man on Earth
Who’d choose to vote for Ted Cruz.
Hey, well done!