Posted on 03/25/2016 8:50:29 PM PDT by Arthur McGowan
Suddenly, Tyler is screaming. Screaming. Tyler’s screams could pierce through the din of any commercial. They could break glass. Gabriel sits up with a start, his heart racing.
(Excerpt) Read more at phillyvoice.com ...
We know because we adopted a Russian orphanage child.
Reactive Attachment Disorder is almost universal among these kids. RAD persists into young adulthood and, as far an anybody knows, forever. Researchers now say the early childhood deprivation causes measurable, structural brain damage, a profound atrophy of the neural pathways necessary for the development of empathy, trust, emotional warmth, curiosity about others, desire to communicate, responsiveness, and loyalty.
Babies and young children need physical closeness and lots of it. It does not end up making them dependent: it ends up making them confident. When their emotional needs are fulfilled, they are not afraid to venture out into their next levels of development.
The stories I could tell.
Oh, by the way, your case is more extreme then mine. But my kids would wake up a lot for awhile. But not what you are experiencing. Comfort her though, however you can.
Do you continue to hold her after she falls asleep?
I always waited until she got into deeper sleep before I’d put her down, that way she was too deep to wake up when I put her in her crib.
My ex-DIL did this with my granddaughter even when she was sick. My son couldn’t take it and used to spend many nights sleeping on the floor next to her crib.
They divorced, some genius judge gave her custody after she made allegations, no matter there was no proof. Then she moved 2K miles away.
She treated her like a stepchild. When she was 17 the granddaughter refused to go back home to her mother after the summer and still lives with her father who has had to continue to pay child support for her. She’s a straight A student in her 2nd year of college and her mother has never given her a cent.
She never bonded with her.
My mother used to say that if a baby is crying he needs something even if it is just needing to be held.
That is not normal behavior. My DD wants to sleep touching us or holding hands but she sleeps. Have you talked to a specialist, a neurologist. That lack of ability to sleep seems to be a deeper issue.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I’ll post responses to everyone, individually.
No vaccinations. Alternative doctors are useless as well. The feeling of hopelessness is stark.
BUT there is a bright point to this. I think that she may one of those people who just doesn’t sleep. I know someone like this. He sleeps about 45 minutes in a 24 hour period.
I’m happy with that. The baby sleeping isn’t my problem. My problem is what it’s done for my marriage. Keeping that together is, as always, the hardest part. And then being happy around her and finding (each day) the way to forgive and forget and move on can be easy, or it can be hard.
Pediatricians are worth exactly nothing. I sometimes want to establish some sort of “parental help” thing. Where people can come together and help other parents.
We are not around our parents, and we aren’t our friends either. We moved from a communist state and no one visits us. I hate her mother, she hates mine. So it’s “just us”.
“Colic” is a myth. Horses get colic, and because a long long time ago doctors and parents got their biology knowledge from horses the idea carried over.
Colic isn’t the problem here.
Oh, and no suicidal thoughts aren’t caused by a crying baby. But your life falling apart as a result of it is.
Thanks.
I’ll post responses to everyone, individually.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
We’ve tried it all. Next are specialists out of state. We don’t have high hopes.
The baby is fine. She’s great. Highly intelligent, and she has two parents who spend all day with her and homeschool her. At less than 2 years old her sign-language vocabulary is nearing 200 words, she speaks well, counts, knows her alphabet, is learning to read simple stuff and can solve complex problems.
I’m very proud of her, and I’m proud of the work that my wife and I do. The point of this was not to hijack a thread, but instead to take a different viewpoint on the topic.
Pediatricians are who recommend the methods described in that article. The parents are not psychopaths. They are doing what the doctor ordered. And I feel for them, I really do because my wife and I have ignored every doctor and did what our hearts wanted. And the end result is that we’re teetering on divorce and disaster.
I’ll post responses to everyone, individually.
We held her all night for the first 8 months before we could get her onto her bed, on the floor, next to ours. Right now, we get her into a deep sleep before moving her into the bed or moving her away from our mattress.
There is no such thing as deep sleep with her. I can’t talk on the phone while she’s sleeping - even across what I would consider a large house. We’ve gone down the road of raising a baby in perfect quiet, perfect sleeping conditions. We never wanted to be that way, but it’s all that worked.
We are literally working in shifts. We don’t sleep together, and I can’t work at all.
I’ll post responses to everyone, individually.
Thank you for your prayers and concerns.. At night she’ll “relax” but is always playing with my hand. She’ll do it for all hours of the night except the ones that she is actually sleeping.
I’m about to go to bed, and I’ll hold her hands for about 2 hours. During that time, I’ll slip my hand away and see how long it lasts. Until at some point she’s asleep enough for me to get some.
She’s healthy though. She just doesn’t really sleep deeply too often.
In other words, love. Beautiful. You focus on the child, but do not obsess over the child. Common sense. You attune your thoughts and behavior to the infant’s needs. Natural and normal. The behavior of a well-adjusted parent. Calm and caring, sensitive, healthy. I imagine it did not take you a doctor, therapist or book to figure that out either.
I didn’t read you whole post before commenting. Seriously your case is much more extreme than mine. But, that said, my kids kept me up many a night.
I’ve always adhered to th good pediatrician, Dr Sears’, reminder of the definition of spoiling
Spoiling is what happens to milk when it is left neglected on a shelf
Forcing a person to stifle his needs just because he doesn’t know the English language does not eliminate the need. It will always present itself in a different form and for many long years.
It is sick
I weigh 195 and I am a male; can run 10 miles any time its called for. Make a fare living and raise my children 1 mile from the ocean.
‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’
And what does that have to do with the price of bread?
If you can’t get a baby to sleep deeply, I’d be looking at her diet. She might be sensitive to something.
Have you tried charting her foods?
Ours kept getting these big ass hives after meals. It took several weeks but momma finally tracked it down to artificial food coloring.
If you want to see something funny, watch a kindergartner checking out the label before she’ll eat a piece of candy.
You are completely right this is child abuse. It’s a very old notion still encouraged by pediatricians for some bizarre reason. Hard to fathom because all the psychology is against this, not to mention the instinct’s of any normal woman.
To listen to a small child scream in a desperate manner for anything, help, attention, bottle, toy, is simply inhuman. Some say “crying to sleep” and feeding “on a schedule” may instill an early insecurity that leads to later eating disorders or self-harm behavior.
Makes sense when you realize a child pleading for your comfort, you who are a god to him, is being told they are not worth the effort, can suffer, can starve.
Women, for God’s sake, you don’t need to mollycoddle, but don’t listen to your doctor. Love, hug and nurture your baby. When they are ready to be “independent” you will have instilled the sense of confidence and safety to enable them to walk away from you, about age 2! Then the idea is you respect the distance the child sets! Which means you don’t smother, but are available when they fall or get scared and turn to you. Which means you don’t work full-time.
And by the time they are 10, forget all this stuff unless they show a desire for it. I can’t believe how many moms want to cuddle and pet their 12-year old boys (”I love you! Jared, don’t you love me?”) but think a baby should be “trained”!
I ain’t a girl
and I’m not a crazy from Utah who cheat for Cruz.
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