Yes. When you get told your help isn’t needed, then they think it isn’t needed. He refused to ask for their help. He refuses to ask them to do anything. They do chores because I require it. I don’t do outside things, like the lawn or pool or snow. Did that when he was traveling for business but now he’s not. That’s his job.
This is what he’s promoting because he doesn’t want them to do what he thinks is his job. I get that he wants to be everything to them, it’s what dads do. I remember that from my Dad.
So, I told them (as I usually do since I’m always the bad guy/parent) that they had to ignore him and get out there and they were fine with that. And once they knew what happened yesterday, they were more than ready today. People step up, kids step up when they’re aware. I think we do a disservice to kids when we don’t expect the best from them.
They shoveled 2+ feet of snow for us and the widow next door. Cleaned off 7 cars. Even the two who are still teenagers stepped up. And they will when asked. You just have to ask.
I get that my husband wants to be everything to our kids. Like my Dad was to me. He thinks my Dad was the best, and he was.
I’m reliving my childhood. My husband is my Dad and I’m my Mom. LOL.
I’ve been doing more thinking about your husband. You said he runs 5 miles every day. What is it that is different about when he goes out to run and goes out to shovel? Does he have a running routine like eating certain foods, waiting a certain amount of time, hydrating before going out. Does he carry a water bottle on his runs? Since shoveling is a rare thing, he may not think about the need for a disciplined routine. I really think that dehydration may be a part of the problem here and perhaps in general. Here is an article on dehydration. One thing that I noticed was that it can become cumulative, building up over several days. Also that as one ages one may loose one’s sense of thirst. Something not mention is that if you are dehydrated your urine will be more yellow, even orange, and if reddish, you are badly dehydrated. If you are hydrated the urine should be a pale yellow like straw or a manila file folder. So in addition to asking how your husband feels, ask him what color his urine is.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dehydration/basics/risk-factors/con-20030056