This has always interested me too. I have had some very close gay male friends, and they have NEVER been attracted to the flaming effeminate gays. I was wondering, who is? It seems that the more effeminate gay men, while they long for the strong, macho gay types, often don’t end up with them. Often, the really effeminate ones end up with guys who are mildly effeminate too. ALL of them want straight seeming men. But the straight seeming men tend to want other straight seeming men.
Lesbians are slightly different because they aren’t as visual. They seem to be more accepting of all types of lesbians and choose not only according to appearances. Note that alpha dog Ellen DeGeneres (wealthy, funny) was able to snag a gorgeous woman who looks quite feminine.
The two gay dudes I know are all feminine looking and acting. I didn't know there were "manly" gay men.
I now only know one lesbian, and she's butch. Although I did know a girl a long time ago, and I suspected she might have been gay (mainly because we hung out a good bit, but I could never make any progress... but she always wanted to hang). But this girl was very girly, and she had a lot of girly friends... none of whom ever seemed to have a boyfriend, or even dates.
Wealthy? yes
Funny? Not hardly
Ellen is not funny. She’s a psychopath.