Maybe a modern gay man.
5. The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.
OK, this one I agree with enough to note. Just park. A little extra walking is good for you.
6. Before the modern man heads off to bed, he makes sure his spouse’s phone and his kids’ electronic devices are charging for the night.
No. Teaches them responsibility if/when they forget.
7. The modern man buys only regular colas, like Coke or Dr Pepper. If you walk into his house looking for a Mountain Dew, he’ll show you the door.
Bzzzt. You're not a programmer.
9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.
Ok, this list obviously was compiled by a gay man. Not saying that's a good thing or a bad thing, just making an observation.
13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.
Who or what the {xxxx} is Wu-Tang?
17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?
Yep, gay.
18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.
For about 2 seconds, then rejected the idea...
20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.
So very gay. Again, not good or bad...just...gay.
25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
Wrong.
26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
Wrong again. It may be ok for a little extra moisture at the end of Armageddon when Bruce Willis sacrifices himself for his daughter (and all of mankind) but... Often? No.
I was thinking at the end of "Saving Private Ryan", but yours is appropriate, too.
"Tell me I've led a good life. Tell me I'm a good man." Gets me every time.