An irreverent (and perhaps irrelevant) anecdote that might appeal to you ...
“Poppy Bush came up with the idea that if Jeb would go skydiving, that it would generate some favorable publicity for his dying campaign, so Poppy Bush charters a plane, Jeb gets suited up, and when they reach altitude, Poppy opens the hatch, and says “enjoy the ride!” and pushes him out...
...Jeb is sailing down towards the Earth, picking up speed amd pulls the rip cord, and nothing happens. NOTHING. Alarmed, he pulls the emergency back up chute cord, and once more, NOTHING. No chute. Now he’s scared.
Jeb is picking up speed, and wondering what to do, and suddenly sees a man flying UP rapidly from the Earth in his direction, and as the man gets closer, he sees that it’s Donald Trump! As Trump flies by, he shouts “hey Don?!? You know anything about parachutes?”
Trump calls back down as he continues to ascend, “NOOOO, do you know anything about gas stoves?!?”
....you’re into the “first miracle” wine this morning, aren’t you????
LOL