A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over the envelopes.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
“But why?” he asks.
“I’m a divorce lawyer.”
Sick!
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked Billy. “No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.
Taking his seat in chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. “I have been presented by both of you with a bribe,” the judge bagan. Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, Attorney Leoni, gave me $15,000. And you, ASttorney Campos, gave me $10,000.”
The judge reached in his pocket a pulled out a check, which he handed to Leoni. “Now, then, I’m returning $5,000, and we are going to decide this case solely on its merits.”