Here in Seattle my young son (9 yrs old) has many friends. 3 of his friends have same-sex ‘parents’, 1 with 2 fathers, and 2 with 2 mothers.
I used to have the view that a child with parents that cared was a child better off than those with parents or caretakers that didn’t care. I tried to be accepting in the interests of the child. But upon getting closer I saw some things that gave pause.
The same-sex parents in each case seem in public to be nice people, educated, clean, not queer in looks or conduct. But the spirits of the kids are a different matter. I would say their spirits, their non-verbal behaviors, they act as if something important is missing; something is not right.
I am a single dad as we lost my wife/his mother years ago to illness. So it’s not like I show up with a female partner to make the contrast glaring. If anything my single status seems to make us more invited into their lives. We meet via school or soccer and then progress to play dates.
Within the same-sex parent arrangement of these 3 boys, at least one in each couple is a genetic parent.
I also have neighbors, two women, married who go to ‘church’, episcopal I think; don’t know, don’t care. One of the women had fertility treatments years ago and gave birth to two non-identical twin boys who are now 5 years old. The women are again educated, clean but there is a tension with the one parent, the one that did not give birth. the ‘man’ of the relationship.
Yeah I know it seems like I am surrounded here but this is central Seattle in fairly exclusive neighborhoods. Most neighbors and parents are like me, traditional and they leave politics out of the discussion.
But these kids are growing up and they seem to detect a difference in their lives or at least I see them hiding their true feelings. That’s it, they are hiding something inside them. I don’t see that in other kids.
It’s not my place to interfere here but my view has swung around where I am no longer a live-and-let-live hand waver of same-sex households for children. I think these kids should have a voice; perhaps professionals should be called in to study if these arrangements are in the best interest of the children. I am mixed on all this.
On the other hand one of the parents in each case I know of is a genetic parent. So I’m left confused because I think foster care must be worse.
This is a problem. But I think fortunately statistically it is a small problem but apparently not for the individual children involved.
Vexing problems for me leave only prayer as a means to cope.
I am pulling my son out of school next year and enrolling him in a Christian school. I’m happy with the choice as the academics are quite good. I want him to have a classical education so that if one day he is reading Shakespeare and there is a quote or allegory related to scripture, he will know where it was taken from.
When he gets a little older we will talk about some of his friends who are from same-sex households. He sees it now but it’s a little too early to sort it out. Again it seems like this is really prevalent but it’s not, it’s just where I live in leafy neighborhoods that are old and very nice, very traditional. For those of you familiar with Seattle, it’s the north end of Capitol Hill although we now live 3 miles away near a shoreline. And the mayor here is homosexual. So far no hostility to Christian businesses that I know of.
I think this fad of homosexuality will play its course into irrelevance but only after the issue of religious liberty comes to a head. I give the homosexual fad about 8 years and then it’s old news, at least I hope so. I hope to see in the meantime an Article V Amendment that gives states rights with teeth so that they can quash Supreme Court rulings and other egregious federal actions.
Here’s my shameless pump for my Article V post again:
A PERMANENT ANSWER TO SUPREME COURT AND FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ABUSES
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3304160/posts
I am sooooo sick of these federal government types and their self-importance. It’s got to stop. I grew up in DC and I know how the culture there has changed. I want to see 50% of federal government employees gone or early retired with no funding for replacements. Believe me we wouldn’t notice them gone. I’d even vote to fund their relocation just to be rid of them.
I would not allow a little daughter to spend a night at a friend's house that only had a father.
Even in our little town in Tennessee, a good while back, a sort of “fad” seemed to spontaneously break out where, especially the girls were, in large numbers, making “lesbian love” in the girls’ bathrooms and flaunting themselves. The fad seemed to have died out for the most part after it fizzled out.
You came around to your conclusion about same sex parenting in a very fair way and I applaud you for that. You arrived at the same conclusion that I did, but my technique was less generous toward the other side.
I based negative feelings about the issue on my understanding of the human psyche and also my own experience as a child. Although not homosexual in nature, my home life was non traditional and I remember the empty yawning feeling of alone-ness and embarrassment and humiliation and the yearning for a normal family.
I can guarantee that something similar is what your son’s friends are feeling, but they are not allowed to express it in any way. No wonder you are sensing that something is wrong. The children are expected to adapt - or remain silent.
Adults in these situations only consider their own feelings. If they thought at all objectively about the emotional welfare of the transplanted child, they would not insist or bringing a child into a same sex union if another option is available. Nor would they do in vitro, surrogacy or adoption. There can be love, and even bonding, but, like a sapling planted in the wrong kind of soil, it is not enough to overcome the child’s suffering.
It is not too soon to talk to your 9 year old. A decade ago, I would have said wait, but now there is no time. You can present the topic gently and with age appropriate discretion, but you must begin now because he is being subliminally programmed by the outside world. You have got to nudge him in the right direction because he has already been exposed to it and is thinking about it and he needs a template to go by. You must clad him in the armor of what is right before the world can lure him with what is wrong. We started talking to all our kids at about that same age. It seems crazy to discuss homosexuality when they aren’t yet ready for sexuality, but they are getting sexualized by a sick world as soon as they are old enough to see pictures on the TV screen. It is by design and the homosexual community is coming after our kids with more boldness and aggression than ever.
Homosexuality is a personality disorder and an illness of the mind. The proof of this is quite simple. It is not and never has been a part of the beautiful design of the human body. It is an abuse of the body. My kids feel sympathy toward people in that condition and especially for the kids forced to live in a situation that purposely denies the existence of either a mother or a father. They see kids around them turning “gay” and feel sorry for them. They come to me and my husband and talk openly about it and we guide them to understand the right and the wrong and the victims and the perpetrators. It is all we can do.