I'm Jimmying Cartier's and I'm Running for President ... Mark Steyn

Steyn Online ^ | 13 Apr 2015 | Mark Steyn

[Rummyfan]

I think it's fair to say that the Hillary 2016 launch effortlessly surpassed expectations. It began with the official campaign announcement, deftly reminding us of her impressive résumé:

She's fought children and families all her career.

Indeed. Is "children" a reference to the Peter Pan of Pantsdownland, Little Boy Bill? Is "families" a reference to twin nymphettes he brought home after a ride on the Lolita Express with billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein?

Or maybe she just likes slugging any neighborhood urchin minded to lay a hand on her own kid's threads? As part of the campaign launch, Chelsea Clinton discussed the need for "equal opportunity" in the pages of, er, Elle:

"One of our core values in this country is that we are the land of equal opportunity," Clinton told the magazine, "but when equal hasn't yet included gender, there is a fundamental challenge there that, I believe, having our first woman president — whenever that is — will help resolve."

[Wolfie]

My entire life, every politician has been fighting for working families, and yet the middle class continues to decline. Any chance we could get them to STOP fighting for us?

[BigEdLB]

She fought children? Well, Monica Lewinsky was 19 when she met Bill...

[Rummyfan]

But in the fourth volume events take a grim turn, as the careless schoolboy becomes aware that Professor Starr has in his laboratory a magic dress that could destroy all his and Hillary's plans. In Billy Clinter and the Chamber of Semen, Billy realizes that he splinched while he was apparating, which had never happened before. This is all the fault of Moaning Monica, the intern who haunts the anteroom at Housewhites and has the rare power of Parcelmouth, the ability to look into the eye of the Basilisk, the world's smallest snake, without being petrified. Is she a Niffler or a Death Eater? Billy cannot be sure. He looks to Housewhites' giant shambling groundskeeper Reno to protect him, but she's busy raining down fire on strange cults. As the book ends, their old friend Albus Bumblegore fails to become Headmaster of Housewhites after insufficient chads are found in his sorting hat.

Steyn's a genius, plain and simple.

[hosepipe]

......... She's My Choice for Second worse Daymare.......

[Nextrush]

The business and banking elites finance every Republican and Democrat candidate so we end with this Corporatist Uniparty system with Amnesty, Common Core, Obamacare shoved down our throats with no meaningful reversal of them on the agenda.

[SERKIT]

We've all heard about the crash of 2008, but there is far less interest in the crash of 2012, in Iran, in a Government C-12 Huron, apparently killing a SEAL commander and giving Hillary a nasty concussion.

[Old Sarge]

Bump for later fun

[N. Theknow]

I get so sick and tired of the politicians talking about "fighting for me."

Here is an example of how they fight:

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) was asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS To rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number...

What does it mean? A. Well .. If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman and child) You each get $516,528

B. Or... If you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or... If you are a family of four... Your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington , D.C

HELLO!

Are all your calculators broken??

And a few more items in how they fight for us:

Building Permit Tax, CDL License Tax, Cigarette Tax, Corporate Income Tax, Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax (Fed), Federal Unemployment Tax (FU TA), Fishing License Tax, Food License Tax, Fuel Permit Tax, Gasoline Tax, Hunting License Tax, Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax, IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax), IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax, Luxury Tax, Marriage License Tax, Medicare Tax, Property Tax, Real Estate Tax Social Security Tax, Road Usage Tax (Truckers), Sales Taxes, Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax, State Income Tax, State Unemployment Tax (SUTA), Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax, Telephone Fed, State and Local Surcharge Tax Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax, Telephone Recurring & Non-recurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax, Telephone Usage Charge Tax, Utility Tax, Vehicle License Registration Tax, Vehicle Sales Tax, Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax, Workers Compensation Tax. (And to think, we left British Rule to avoid so many taxes)

And that is just for starters. So, quit fighting you loser a$$hole$!

P.S. If you really are fighting for me...Harry Reid would have looked like this the first time he took to the floor of the Senate.

[Old Sarge]

That would have been LTC Joe Price...

[driftless2]

"A genius"

He's one those guys you wonder how he thinks that stuff up and you can't. I wonder what his schoolteachers thought of his writing talents.

[Servant of the Cross]

LOL.

becomes aware that Professor Starr has in his laboratory a magic dress that could destroy all his and Hillary's plans ...
In Billy Clinter and the Chamber of Semen ...
Moaning Monica, the intern who haunts the anteroom at Housewhites and has the rare power of Parcelmouth, the ability to look into the eye of the Basilisk, the world's smallest snake ...

[Servant of the Cross]

I just now realized that he wrote this ... 12 years ago!

[stephenjohnbanker]

” “ Clinton told the magazine, “but when equal hasn’t yet included gender, there is a fundamental challenge there that, I believe, having our first woman president — whenever that is — will help resolve.””

The first black POTUS resolved....

[antidisestablishment]

The best since Jonathan Swift. Unfortunately, our illiterate population can no longer enjoy satire. It’s an art that requires a rather large lexicon and an ability to understand that humor is possible without resorting to profanity every thirty seconds.

[txhurl]

There are a couple threads on that... glad you remember it, not many do. She was out of commission for weeks after.