This reminds me of the story of the California 49er gold miner who was looking for a wife to keep him company in the isolated mining camp. So he writes off to Sears Roebuck in Chicago for a mail-order bride. He notes his requirements for the woman, a lengthy and detailed list of characteristics he wants in a wife. He sends off the order and waits. And he waits, And he waits some more. Finally, frustrated with not having received his bride yet, he writes again to inquire what was taking so long and why they hadn't sent his perfect bride to him yet.
He finally receives a reply and opens it up. The letter stated, "Sorry sir. No such woman exists."