[Fungi]

OK, you are a plant. Just cannot decide if you are a cactus, a shrub, an algae, or just a common fungus. Bromeliad maybe?

[NoCmpromiz]

Bromeliad maybe?

Nope. Something more invasive and hard to eradicate, like Fallopia japonica.

But I see that this patch of noxious weed has been treated with Mod-applied glyphosate already, so we await the next spot it sprouts up...