Lenny Bruce had a routine about a man who is brought to a room where he proclaims that he would never betray his country. Then he says (I'm paraphrasing from memory), "What are they doing to that guy over there? Why are they putting that funnel in his ass? What are they doing with that molten lead? They're pouring it in the funnel? The funnel that's in his ass? They're pouring hot lead in his ass? They're giving him a hot lead enema? Okay, I'll tell you anything. I'll tell you about my mother. I'll make up secrets."
I heard a variation where Bruce says that when faced with the hot lead enema, he would make a shoeshine rag out of the American flag.
The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! My mother was a rabbit, my father was a rabbit... I’m a rabbit!”