Yes, a choice.
One chooses to be vicious when taking physical advantage of someone who is weaker or vulnerable, be it molesting a boy or girl. It’s called a “crime”.
Gay men’s excuses are that they’re spreading ‘love’. Straight men’s excuses are that she had it coming. Yeah, right!
Whoever the victim, male or femaile, vulnerable or weaker, it doesn’t matter. Rape and/or murder are violent crimes, period.
So you wish to mandate “civility?”
As long as we don't define rape as willingly participating at one time, then changing one's mind later. When I think of rape, I mean forced rape (or statutory rape), not later regrets.
That is indeed a violent crime, and often has much more to do with power trips than sex.