Well thanks Miss Hippie.....
.....husband and I don’t often fight over money but like most couples we do from time to time.
But this money and this mere $150 really got me griping.
“Why give her money when she don’t work?” husband shouted.
First, it’s way more complicated than that. Daughter is a stay-at-home Mom, husband works. Now there’ve been times when her husband didn’t work like he should but he does now.
Since he has no driver’s license, having lost it for drunk driving almost five years ago but they are hopelessly stuck in a gubmint trap. He MUST attend some kind of classes, big fine. Only he can’t afford to pay for classes, fine cause....HE COULDN’T WORK TO MAKE THE MONEY for lack of driver’s license.
He scrounged rides from family, work buddies....it was all touch and go but they never could get ahead cause, well they both smoke for one thing, eating up three hundred bucks a month, most of it going to taxes on the demonized smokers. Yeah, she and husband should stop so what? We shoot them? Nail them to crosses in highway median strips that the world should see what happens to smokers?
Also, husband needed surgery...six hernias. He got it, now healed, they moved in with husband’s friend. Finally daughter had to face reality that SHE would have to take him to work and pick him up, that they HAVE to get out of house sharing with two men, one of whom is a bit of a pervert being almost 50 with 19 year old girlfriend spending night with granddaughter seeing it all.
So daughter drove him to work, over Bay Bridge every day from Kent Island, stayed in AA county all day, picked him up. A week ago they finally saved up the money to MOVE to Brooklyn in AA county and guess what? This week they are hosting THANKGIVING for her husband’s whole family(of course she invited me but I will stay with my curmudgeon husband and am going up on Friday)! She’s never cooked a meal to host in her 35 years of life.
Point is, daughter isn’t a bad person, no she’s not. And granddaughter is light of my life. They’ve had it hard and soninlaw’s mother helped and I helped but I or she simply can’t support them.
Since June he’s been working with daughter dragging kid out of bed at 4:30 am, driving him to work, back home, kid ready for school, take kid to school, pick up kid, pick up husband. She spends entire day in a car.
After her move she needed some money to buy Kaitlyn a bed and some for food so I slipped her the $150 but I really didn’t try to hide it from husband. I honestly thought it was okay and I only did it cause I knew my big check was coming in at last.
$150, folks.
Which is the only reason I got on this “my money” uproar.
Husband’s wrong on this and he knows it as he’s now shut up.
Cause, insert wink here, I threatened to give every dime of it to daughter and that scares the bejeesus out of him.
I think it’s great that daughter stays home with child. If I had to do it all over again I’d have stayed home with her at least for a few years. Instead I went back to work (at Western Electric, who paid me NO maternity leave) when she was 5 weeks old. She spent much of her life being ported to babysitters and while I made a bundle of money, I do so wish I’d have had the same kind of time with her that she has with her daughter.
I didn’t have to work but hey, I was a liberated wommins, making big bucks (I regularly made over $60K a year, this back in the 90’s) but missing out so much with my child.
Oh yeah, I worked from home, unpaid overtime, put in a complete payroll system for Union Memorial hospital in Baltimore, gubmint contractors....when they irritated me I walked out and had another job next day. Indeed, I was a wonderful employee but as a Mom? Not so much.
All this with husband complaining about $150 bucks so if I gave up so much of my life cause I bought into that lesbian group of Liberated Wommins....well that door swings both ways.
But do not let your heart be troubled. I managed to sneak that one thousand in cash, heh, now don’t y’all tell.
Husband is now happy I didn’t give all the money to the kid, heh.
It sure sounds like your daughter and her husband are trying their very best...You NEED to help them now for the sake of their marriage and your grandaughter! This is the type of help that is “time dependent”, meaning you can’t go back years later to correct it. If it helps them stay together, afloat and the child is helped, its all worth it!
I can’t count the number of times my mother helped get me through college financially when it was hard for me. She was so proud when I got my degrees. She wanted to see that piece of paper more than a new dress or an extra vacation.
there is a very fine line between love and co-dependency and mother’s get the benefit of the doubt on every move!
My mother, may her soul rest in peace, always had these great sayings she made up...You will love this one:
“What you can fix with money is not so bad.” ...meaning that there are a lot of problems that no amount of money will cure and THOSE are real problems.
BTW, is your son in law a veteran>?If so, he can go for groups at the Va for free that can take the place of community classes for his license.The state will accept that.