When you retire, come on out to Colorado, just like the other hundreds of thousands of Californians. Build your dream house, just like the other hundreds of thousands of Californians. Make sure you have a view of the mountains, just like the other hundreds of thousands of Californians. Build it with a household use water permit, just like the other hundreds of thousands of Californians.
And horses! You need horses! Build a stable and put up pipe fencing. Paint them white just like the other Californians.
The water inspector will be along shortly. He knew what was going to happen from the time the foundation was laid. He's been waiting. He will tell you that you cannot water livestock on a household use permit. You will argue. You will tell him that it is the dumbest thing that you have ever heard. You will threaten to sue, just like the other Californians.
He will smile and tell you that he will let it slide if you can get the horses to go up to the house, get a glass from the cupboard, fill it at the faucet, then sit down and drink it at the kitchen table. He will snicker at his own joke even though he's used it dozens or hundreds of times before. You will order him off of your property and he will go. You will call your lawyer, just like the other Californians.
Your lawyer will tell you that the inspector is right. You will need to buy water from a service which will haul it to you or buy an ag permit. You find out how much either will cost and decide to cheat the system, just like the other Californians.
The inspector is ready for this, too. He knows what you will do and how you will do it. He goes through this every day. He will catch you and lock your meter or your well. With no water you will break the locks. The sheriff will be along shortly to haul you to the hoosegow. You will be thrown in with the rapists and drug dealers and the other Californians with a beef with Colorado water law.
When you go before the judge be sure and tell him that it was just a little water in the grand scheme of things. Tell him how they do it in California and how they ought to do it in Colorado. Coloradans really, really, like to hear these things from Californians. When he sentences you to break rocks until Pike's Peak is an ant hill get huffy and threaten to take it to the Supreme Court.
The Supreme Court has heard it all before, dozens of times from dozens of different angles. Colorado water law has withstood legal assault since it originated in 1864. You will lose.
Then you will do what many of the other Californians do; move back to California, muttering all the way.
I’m not moving there, and I don’t plan on living my life with my pants pulled down and bent over with the government doing what it wants without a lubricant. It’s a choice you have evidently made.
Sheesh, and I thought California was supposed to be the place filled with idiots.