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Posted on 05/07/2011 10:46:43 AM PDT by Jim Robinson
Hope to have this thing wrapped up within a few days.
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OKAY .. REAL funny story to end the long day.
I sew .. LOVE fabric and that whole world. As a result, I’m an avid follower of sewing blogs and sites, and I first read this tale on one of those sites.
I’ve never forgotten it. It was another one of those coughing, choking, can’t breathe, convulsive laughter sequences that can only happen in real life, with Murphy’s Law as a companion .. AND .. I finally found it again...!
The subject is a dress form, that sewing notion that hopefully will be adjusted to perfectly replicate your form and size .. all your torso dimensions (it typically is on a floor stand) .. for fitting patterns, checking out appropriate styles, fabric drape, etc., to eventually get a great fit for your sewn garments.
Here’s an example:
http://content.vcommerce.com/products/527/126550527/fullsize.jpg?1580143629
Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dummy From Hell
Okay, I think I’m brave enough now to tell everyone about my experiences with “Uniquely You”. I ordered mine from National Thread and Supply Company (in Atlanta, Georgia) who, in turn, get their supply directly from the UY folks but are able to discount it quite a bit.
I ordered the “extra small” form and from the measurement range given it should’ve been just fine.
Unfortunately for me, I ordered at the time that the U.Y. folks were trying out a new foam extrusion mix. Somehow I got one of the “test” dummies instead of the real thing. The problem with the new mix was that it discoloured and expanded (greatly) when faced with humidity.
I didn’t know that when I got my dummy; I just knew it looked a bit mottled and way too big to “squish” down to my size.
In fact, the dummy had a 44 DD bust! I called the UY company about this but they assured me that I must be wrong, that the bust couldn’t be that big and that even if it was it would shrink once the cover was applied.
They explained that the foam was much bigger than the cover, but that the foam would compress greatly and that I should just go ahead and make my cover and all would become clear soon. They explained that a lot of force was needed to compress their foam, but compress it would and I should just try it and see.
After I got off the phone, I remeasured the bust and it was, indeed, 44DD (it was HUGE). It looked like some bizarre, life-sized headless Barbie. Encouraged by the phone conversation with the UY people, I started sewing up my cover. I fitted the top half, on me, just fine. I zipped it off and tried to zip it on the dummy. It wouldn’t go; it wouldn’t squish.
I asked my husband for help. Eventually we had the dummy on the floor with my husband kneeling on top of the breasts and me pushing from underneath the cover trying to compress everything into place.
Then we started wondering what this must look like to our neighbours, so I got up and closed the curtains!
Continuing our wrestling match, we managed to stuff MOST of the breasts into the cover, but we couldn’t, for the life of us, compress them so they all fit into the cover.
We managed to get the cover zipped into place but there was “breasts” popping out all over the place! We decided to see if we could squish the breasts into place any further.
My husband pushed from above while I pushed from below. Whammo, side seams gave away and we had breast “leaking” out the side. We tried again. And again. It was a hot and humid summer day and we were not enjoying this strenuous activity very much.
Finally we achieved some measure of success, with the cover “centered” over massive “breasts” peering around all sides. We stood back. BLAMMMO! The cover seams all gave way at once and blew off the dummy, leaving “Barbie” once again standing naked before us.
Not only that, but the “breasts” appeared to have grown! They certainly looked bigger to me, and a check with the measuring tape now clocked them at 50 DD!! Help, it’s Barbie from Hell!
We called UY and complained strenously this time. I pointed out that my dummy was “growing”. They put the owner/creator on the phone and he realized that we had gotten a “bad” dummy, that is, one made with the bad experimental foam. The discolouration was the key to recognition. He asked me to send it back to him for inspection and replacement.
You’d think that would be the end of it, wouldn’t you? Well, think again!
I packaged the dummy up, in the original box, and sent it off UPS-insured. I got a call a couple days later because UY had *refused* my shipment! I couldn’t believe it!
After they had asked me to send it back directly to them! I couldn’t figure out what must’ve gone wrong so called them back, immediately. The told me they didn’t take damaged goods. What?! What did they mean “damaged” goods? I sent back an intact product! It was a defective product, but then they knew that as they were the ones who had asked me to send it to them for inspection.
Unfortunately the person who handled the shipment was away and all the woman on the phone knew was that the shipment had been refused due to “damage”, so I would have to wait a few days for the original person to return to explain why she refused my shipment.
I got my answer a couple days later when a “hit and run” UPS driver lobbed a grotesquely-deformed (previously-a-box) shape over my fence and ran for the truck.
It seems that somewhere along the line the package must’ve fallen off the truck and been backed over several times by a truck.
The rectangular box was now a triangle and the remains of the dummy had tire tracks on it. Not only that, but it seems it had expanded some more, in transit, and one breast had blown a hole in the box and was now sitting there “staring” at the world rather ominously.
The other breast had been ripped off, mostly, and was attached to the dummy by only a wee bit of foam.
Numerous other cuts and scrapes told tales of some type of weird raging battle that had been fought between this dummy and who-knows-what!
I called up UPS wondering how the heck they managed to turn my package into the deformity before me and they offered to send another driver out to pick it up for inspection.
By this time I wasn’t about to trust another “ride” on the truck, so I insisted that they send out an inspector directly to inspect the damage here. Under the circumstances, and considering the amount of money involved, they agreed.
When the UPS claims person came out to inspect the damage she asked me what on earth this “thing” was used for. She treated it like she thought she could get Bubonic Plague from it.
She started shaking her head and complaining about all the weird sex toys she was forced to inspect now that she was based out here in San Francisco and not back in good old Illinois...
I tried to explain that it was a manequin for sewing and fitting clothes, not some “sex toy”. She didn’t believe me. She wrote it up as “inflatable foam doll” and treated it like it had some disease she didn’t want to catch.
She had to remove the dummy from the box, and in order to do that you had to compress the one “escaped” breast to get it back through the hole so the rest of the dummy could come out of the box. She didn’t want to touch the breast. No sirree! She was NOT going to touch another breast, not even a foam one!
It was very amusing to watch. She honestly believed it was some kind of sex toy and I was some kind of pervert...
I finally got the dummy out of the box for her, but even then she wouldn’t touch it to inspect the damage. It was very embarrassing!
She quickly agreed that UPS would give me a full refund and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone leave my house so quickly...
Anyway, all’s well that ends well, and I got my money back in full from UPS. I didn’t have the nerve to try another “Uniquely You”.
I hope this helps someone!
__________________
Ogawd .. breathe, breathe ..
Well, at least I almost made it to the restroom this time .. ROFL!
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ROTFLOLOLOLOL!
THAT’S A REAL STORY?
IT HAS TO BE!!!!!
.. Sweet O .. ;)Oooooh .... sorry .. :^)
IT IS !!! SOOOOOOOOO funny .. I’m in hysterics .. every time.
ROTFLOLOLOLOLOL.
I just *knew*it had to be a true story!
I am still LOLOLOLOLOL.
I am totally proud of you!!!
Third behind Mrs. Cajun and yourself!!!
Aw, thank you, dearest STAR!!!!
I will miss you tomorrow, but I know you’ll have a fabulous, memorable time!!!
GOOD! It’s more of a *something to do* habit than anything else. The nicotine withdrawal never actually bothered me. I was always looking for *something to do* but I still miss smoking on the few occasions when I drink, so I will often bum cigs...lol. Here’s to frozen Margarita’s in the hot Caribbean sun!
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