[maine yankee]

“Had this been an actual alert, you would have been instructed to turn to an emergency broadcasting station in your area. This is only a test.

We now return to your regularly scheduled programing.

This was only a test.”

[Humble Servant]

“Had this been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to dig mass graves and throw yourselves into them. Keep a shovel handy. That is all.”