I find it offensive to call people with developmental disabilities, “retarded.” It used to be the clinical term, and it is supposedly not anymore, however, I have seen clinicians use it to describe my son and his cognitive abilities.
However, I use it all the time. I am a child of the 80s, and while I would never ever dream of calling a child or adult with Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, or Autism, “retarded,” I use it to describe idiots or situations as really stupid. It means slow (I took French). Much as the African-American community took back the N word or the Gay community took back the Q word, I will take back the R word. However, if I ever catch anyone calling my child or another in his situation that word, they will regret it. I love Sarah Palin, but honestly, I have been in this game (parenting a Special Needs child) a lot longer than her, so I would never apologize to her. I think I remember hearing Axelrod had a kid with Special Needs. Don’t know if it’s true.
I call them queers. If what they do to each other isn't queer, then nothing is. In polite company I will say homosexual but never "gay".