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KEY FEMALE WORDS
KSTP ^ | 1/10/02

Posted on 02/06/2002 4:52:47 AM PST by Valin

KEY FEMALE WORDS

1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

Other words and actions to keep in mind.
No explanation necessary.
13. "Later"
14. Walk-away
15. Silent Treatment
16. "I'll do it myself"
17. "We'll talk"
18. "Whatever"
19. "Forget about it"
20. "Nice"
21. "If that's what you want"


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
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1 posted on 02/06/2002 4:52:47 AM PST by Valin
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To: Valin
Let's not forget door slams and hiding the remote.
2 posted on 02/06/2002 5:01:59 AM PST by catonsville
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To: catonsville
Yes! and of course "THE LOOK!"
3 posted on 02/06/2002 5:05:19 AM PST by Valin
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To: lilynn
Big PING to you...
4 posted on 02/06/2002 5:09:43 AM PST by mugsaway
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To: Valin
"I have a headache"

Husband and wife go to bed. Out of the blue, the husband brings his wife a glass of water and an aspirin. "What's this for?" the wife asks. Husband says "It's for the headache you're going to have about two minutes from now"...

sw

5 posted on 02/06/2002 5:13:00 AM PST by spectre
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To: Valin
Rolling the eyes, rolling the head about the shoulders, batting one eye, sighing, clearing the throat...

All because Eve ate.

flame suit firmly in place

6 posted on 02/06/2002 5:18:42 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: tennessee_bob
Any help is much appreciated
7 posted on 02/06/2002 5:19:09 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: samwolf
fyi
8 posted on 02/06/2002 5:20:17 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: RedBloodedAmerican
Bump
9 posted on 02/06/2002 5:24:28 AM PST by SAMWolf
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To: spectre
I guess we could let the 'men' in on a pre-emptive maneuver that can get you out of jail free. Use this move with aplomb, and you may never have to go past "fine".

The instant you feel a "fine" coming on, rush over to her, grab her hands (gently, hoss) get a stricken look in your eye and ask "what? what did I say wrong? what did I do? I don't know what I did, please tell me!"

You may get a 'five-minute' explanation of what you did, but you will be able to skip all the rest. Dinner and other activities will proceed on schedule.

Even if she saw you stomp the cat on purpose.

10 posted on 02/06/2002 5:30:36 AM PST by txhurl
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To: Valin
....you are either an astute young man, or a very experienced old man.
and let me be the first and probably only female to say your right on all that you noted above.
11 posted on 02/06/2002 5:47:37 AM PST by GrandMoM
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To: txculprit
Could you help me just a minute?

Always comes with two minutes left in a football or baseketball game, or the bottom of the 9th inning of a baseball game. The closer the game, the more likely you are to hear this. If it is a close playoff game you will definitly hear it.

Translation: I want you to show me I'm more important to you than some stupid ball game.

12 posted on 02/06/2002 5:53:34 AM PST by Brookhaven
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To: GrandMoM
That's chronologically enhanced if you please! :-)
13 posted on 02/06/2002 5:59:26 AM PST by Valin
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To: Valin
Thanks for the laugh this morning!
14 posted on 02/06/2002 6:02:13 AM PST by Sunshine Sister
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To: Brookhaven
This is a variation of the FFLF(female fun limitation factor). As you know this occurs when a group of guys are just about to achive fun. where upon a woman will enter the area and ask, "What are you guys doing?" "Anything I can do to help?"
Scientist over the ages are trying to deciede if the FFLF is nature or nurture.
15 posted on 02/06/2002 6:07:56 AM PST by Valin
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To: Valin
I'd rather run through a lions den wearing pork chop drawers than get "The LOOK."

Cringing just thinking about it.

16 posted on 02/06/2002 6:08:15 AM PST by Cap'n Crunch
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To: Valin
....since this thread will obviously attract many males I find this a great opportunity to give you men some advice. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, when your mate is whitin ten feet of you, turn your head, sigh, wiggle in your seat, step behind your mate, or droole, when a sexy young thing walks into the room or is on the TV because your mate will see you, don't fool yourself, she is watching you.

Reserve that addiction until she is nowhere around you. I have seen hundreds of men suffer in-humane treatment for months on end for that brainless iniquity.

17 posted on 02/06/2002 6:46:08 AM PST by GrandMoM
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To: Valin
"Take out the garbage"

&

"Clean the litter box."

18 posted on 02/06/2002 6:55:37 AM PST by MotleyGirl70
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To: GrandMoM
You go, Gmom!

Men don't seem to get that we women can get -uhm- 'courted' 10 times before our men can even get a phone number, yet we don't flaunt that by making goo goos at the foxy little studs we're constantly running into.

Heck, maybe we oughta start. Goose and gander sauce and all that.

19 posted on 02/06/2002 7:06:58 AM PST by txhurl
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To: Valin
"Forget about it", "Not now", "Is that all you think about?", "But my mom says...", "I'm fat", blah blah blah............. ;^)
20 posted on 02/06/2002 7:15:41 AM PST by oldvike
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