Very few men are called to lay down their lives for their wives. But wifely “obedience” can be demanded every day. It’s a practical reality that demeans the woman, whereas dying is mostly theoretical.
“Lay down your life” can be interpreted in many different ways and is not exclusive to dying. The term means to put others first over your own desires. This phrasing to “lay down one’s life” is intended to indicate the depth to which husbands are to be generous to their wives - including being willing to give your life.
The scripture has many different dimensions and should not be read in a purely literal fashion. This is true of the entire Bible. But also, it is essential to confirm an interpretation by other texts and never should a concept be extracted from scripture from just a single text or phrase.
Marriage is exemplified in the Bible in many instances to be modeled by Christ’s relationship to the Church (how He loves the Church and is the “head” of the Church). How can you possibly see a biblical marriage that is demeaning when the husband loves his wife as Jesus loves the Church? To the point that He would even give up His life??
It’s a practical reality that demeans the woman,
Your point about it being a difference in daily application only sounds applicable because you ignore the references to the man being the one on blame.